At some point in life we all choose who we think our mate should be...but when that day comes, we may or may not be able to act on it for several reasons: they're involved, you haven't expressed your feelings, they're your best friend, etc....but, we've mentally decided that is the person we want to be our life partner...so how do you handle that...let's look at a couple scenarios:
The Best Friend
You've been friends for years, you know exactly how each other functions, how you think, you love being in their presence and you know EVERYTHING about one another...that's good and bad right..yep, it is...so you reach a point in your life when you've had several serious relationships and a couple of flings....lol...but no one compares to how you feel when you're with this person. This person is the standard for what you'd want in a life partner, so what do you do? How do you handle it? Do you take a risk and let them know your innermost feelings about them or do you just let 'what's meant to be, be'?
My thoughts on this are to go for it...why, you ask, why would I condone risking the friendship?...it's simple...if you are truly friends and are at a certain maturity level, you should be able to A) have an adult conversation about it (they may feel the same) and B) give it a shot...your bond should be strong enough to bounce back if it doesn't work out...the other piece is this, because this is a BEST friend, neither parties would enter into it haphazardly, i.e., knowing that they're not ready for that type of commitment....just my thoughts...
Un-Resolved Ex Feelings
So, you were in a relationship with this person for years, it had it's up and downs, maybe more downs than ups...you eventually got to a point where you decided it wasn't going to work...so, you move on...at that time, you have no regrets, it's the best thing that ever happened to you, they gon miss you when you gone, etc...lol...as the years go on, you do your thing they do theirs....you reconnect after a couple of years (for whatever purpose) and all of sudden realize, wait, I think I'm still in love with this person....you try to fight those feelings because after all, an ex is an ex for reason...maybe, maybe not....maybe they were an ex to help you realize where your true happiness lies or maybe they are just that, an ex....but what if it's not the latter...are you too prideful to admit that is who you want to be your life partner...maybe because you're the one that flexed your muscles in the end....who knows....the question is, how do you handle it? Do you put yourself out there and risk rejection?...no one likes that right...do you make yourself vulnerable for someone who you told to go to hell in gasoline draws?!?!...lol...
My thoughts on this...the above is purely a pride thing...if you put your feelings out there and they are not reciprocated, keep it movin...you've spoke your piece and you'll sleep easier...if you hold it in because you're scared, you may have real regrets 5yrs down the line...now, what about if you express your feelings and they express theirs and you're on the same page...win-win right....a good friend of mine told me that sometimes you have to deal with a little pain to ultimately have pleasure...the pleasure may not be getting the person, it may be that you've released those feelings and while they weren't reciprocated, you truly have no regrets, which can help minimize baggage in a new relationship...again, just my thoughts...
So, the question remains, what are you willing to do for love? Is your pride more important than your overall happiness? Would you risk that friendship to escalate it to a life partnership??
As Mr. Negativity would say...what say you?!
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So, here I go...
ReplyDeleteThe friend...I have a hard time with this one. I struggle with looking beyond all the information I would have on a friend...good, bad, and ugly...and vice versa. Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I'd judge them, but knowing certain details of my partner's life prior to me is not overly appealing. In addition to that, I struggle with losing out on the friendship. Because as things change and become intimate in new ways I'd worry if he would still confide in me when issues may be directly related to me. It's one thing to bounce things off me about other women, it's a whole other thing to do it about things dealing with me. I think you'd have to be sure that you are willing to risk the friendship as it could eventually turn out to be a loss. I'm not against it, but I'd struggle with making the intial move.
The Ex...
LOL...so, in reality I'd say go for it. You never know what could happen. I am not the same person I was 3 let alone 5 years ago. I have matured, my taste and needs have changed, and my outlook on life has changed. So with that, I would think that it's possible for an ex to change as well. There's already some initial comfort, so that makes it a bit easier. I could MUCH more easily do this simply because if it doesn't work or I'm rejected they aren't a huge part of my life now anyway. So the rejection wouldn't be ever present and I wouldn't potentially be losing a friend.
So in a nutshell...I believe in following your heart and doing what you think is right. But I'm a girl that calculates risks and live a pretty conservative life when it comes to taking risks in love. A friend would be a larger risk than an ex, so that would be my preference.
Ask me again in 3 years and my perspective may have changed...
I agree with the confiding piece...if you were always each other's "go-to", now who would you "go-to"..lol...so that'a a really good point, but I'd also refer back to the movie Brown Suga...yes, it's a movie, but there's a lot of truth in it...sitting and watching the man you love marry someone else is tough...I'm assuming..lol..I've not yet experienced that...so, I agree, that's not the most comfy situation...
ReplyDeleteI truly believe that people do change, but if they haven't, you will be able to pick up on it quicker, as you know them and the things about them that you didn't like and when those things resurface, they're more easily recognizable...
And I will be asking you again in 3yrs, depending on this life evolves! :-)
Pray it doesn't take me 3 years. Goodness! Lol.
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