The Broth-aas and The Oth-aas...

I've been asked several times to write on this topic, "our" men migrating towards other races....well, I may have a different and somewhat controversial opinion than my sistas...so, let's get to it...

Why do we lose our brothas, good brothas at that?? Well, my theory is simple, they don't want to deal with the bitter, angry, rude, self-centered, petty, self-ish, nagging black woman...now, you may wonder why I'm dissing our women, I'm not, I'm simply being honest...oth-aas are viewed as being easier to tolerate...

Case in point....a man leaves his shoes in the same spot on the floor everyday...white woman reaction...picks the shoes up, puts them in closet, goes to give the baby a bath and then makes love to her man all night....black woman reaction...I done told yo ass to pick these shoes up, why do I have to do everything, rolls eyes, slams doors, may or may not cook dinner and def no love making session that night...now, I may be exaggerating a bit, but this is general response from our women..

Ok, IMO, we as black women (me included) are not as care-free about things, we are generally very uptight, not to say that the "oth-aas" don't get mad or irritated, but they get over it much quicker or will continue with business as usual, in other words, they don't let the shoes being on the floor ruin the rest of the night...a lot of black women are bitter, they've allowed one man or hell, even a string of men to ruin it for everyone else...if you've had a string of bad relationships, you may want to look at the common denominator (you, for my slow readers)...if you've had one or two, get over it...I can guarantee you he ain't thinkin about yo ass...while you sittin up mad, he layin up with some white/asian/mexican chick....

Based on conversations I've had with black men, one of the number one reasons for not wanting to deal with the black woman is her ATTITUDE..whew, I understand, because I surely have one on me, but I will say that I've calmed down alot over the years because I've realized that life is too short to walk around mad at things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things...when I find myself getting upset, I think to myself, if he were to die today, how would I feel after bitching about these shoes on the floor...make sense?!

I do have a question ladies, why do we get so worked up when we see "our" men with an "oth-aa"?!?! I know women that won't even converse with a man that's dated or dates white women...why, what difference does that make, does that make him less of a man, why not try to understand his reasoning behind it....on the flip side, it's perfectly acceptable for us to date outside our race, we don't roll our eyes or disown our sistas when they step outside the chocolate...double standard, maybe, but we don't like the ho double standard...you know, the one where a man is a pimp or player if he sleeps around, but a woman is a ho...think about it...

So, my suggestion is this...when you find yourself upset over something trivial, think about the big picture, think about how much that really matters...is this how you would want your last conversation to go??!!...these are questions I ask myself when I find myself mad or frustrated with someone I'm involved with...or better yet, just talk about it...you'll get much further with your man if you have a discussion with him that doesn't include screaming, yelling and attitude...it's okay to be mad, but when you are, take a second, breathe, go for a walk, take a shower, whatever it takes to calm you down and THEN talk to your man...communication is key!

Let me conclude by sayin, men, the above isn't an excuse for you to discount a whole race of women, just like you expect us to rid ourselves of "baggage" from previous experiences, you should do the same...just because one was bitter, doesn't mean we all are...I believe that is the perception that some of you have....so net-net, if we meet one another and we leave the baggage at the door, we can experience black love, which is a beautiful thang!