Raymond....The Highway Man...

Hello all....I know it's been a while since I've had anything to write about, not that what I have now is very interesting...but, it could be at some point, possibly...ok, so here we go:

I'm driving home from work today and while on the highway, I notice a car slowing down next to me...at first, I don't pay it any mind, but I notice through my peripheral that this car is trying to pace my speed...so I look over and notice it's man...he's driving an Infiniti SUV and through the tint, I can tell that he's darker than my liking....so, he motioning to me trying to tell me that I'm pretty...while I think that's nice and all..I'm thinking, we're on the interstate fool...so I speed up and signal for him to follow me off the next exit, I mean seriously...I'm not tryin to die...

So, we pull into the shell gas station, he gets out and off the bat, I notice a few things, he's tall, dark (as I suspected), slender build, blue-collar worker (I could tell from his hands), white teeth, and probably had at least one kid....so, the first thing he says to me is "what are you doing for the next 60yrs"...so I chuckle very loudly...I'm not really feelin this line, but hey, it wasn't too bad...he then goes on to tell me how beautiful I am and that he just had to get my attention...again, I'm looking at him and thinkin, he's so not my type, BUT, he's well spoken, very polite/respectful, seems really nice...so, I continue the conversation....he goes on to ask me if I'm married...I say no...and then he says, "can we talk"...so I say, "umm...not in this damn heat"...we laugh and he asks for my number....my initial thought is, I haven't had anyone to write about in a while, so I'll entertain him...

About 2hrs later, he calls...I must admit, I was expecting his call sooner than 2hrs...so, we chat and he's still very respectful, seems very nice in nature...his stats:

36yrs old, 2 kids (one he just found out when she was 16, which was 4yrs ago), has a roommate (I'll explain his explanation in a minute), he diagnoses air conditioning problems for a living, would like to write a book about his childhood and life experiences....ok, more details...

The 20yr old daughter....he kept mentioning that he was dealing with something that wouldn't be complete until April of 2011...my initial thoughts are that he's been in trouble with the law....the reason behind him living with a friend is because he found out about a daughter 4yrs ago, who is now 20...he's not been a part of her life, but her mother took him to court and demanded back child support...so, in Jan, in addition to his regular child support payments, he also had to pay back child support....so he's now paying about $800/mnth in support...but he will be done with the support in April of next year...now, that's a lot for a first conversation right...yes, but once he told me that there was "something" that he was "dealing" with, I inquired more about it...he was actually embarrassed to tell me, but I told him that ish happens...he said he didn't want to tell me about the child support thing so soon because he didn't want me to think that he wouldn't be able to take me out, etc., although, that's what I'm thinkin, but hey...I'm not gon be in his pockets at this point...btw...I'm thinkin that the SUV isn't his, so stay tuned on that...

So, we had a decent conversation, he wants to take me to the park to fly a kite..lol...because he wants to learn so he can do it with his son (3yrs old)...he was in an 8yr relationship with the mother who lives about an hour and a half away....the verdict as of now...he seems like a nice guy, who's had a challenging life, but appears to be humbled by his experiences....

I'm not counting him out, although, he's not my taste...I've been told that I'm not "open", so, I'm taking this opportunity to be open...stay tuned!

SN: He asks me if I pledged in college, I tell him that I pledged Delta..he says that he vowed to never date a Delta because they are assholes by nature...I cracked UP...so further in the conversation he asks me.."did you think about me at all, even just a little bit, between that time we drove off until I called"....so I say, "yes"...I paused...and then said "briefly"...his response "you damn Deltas"....LMAO....just had to share that...I thought that was a funny interaction...ok...now, stay tuned!

Get Your House In Order

Now I want to address something near and dear to my heart....I just want to understand how can we expect to find the perfect mate and put all of these restrictions or expectations on them, but we wouldn't abide by the same thing.

So, some of you are saying, well because I me. And of course you are sugah....We wouldn't want you to be anyone else....and if you tried, it would be likely a disaster or foolish.

If you happen to be one of the people out there that says, I want a person with 20 things, but you don't even have 10 of the things on this list. Rethink your approach.

Now, I have done some foolishness or "the Most" to some people. I blame it on the indecisiveness...One minute I felt A, the next hour it was B. I am true to myself people, at least at that moment. But having double standards is never appropriate or cute!

It might be fun to know you can manipulate someone's mind or actions for a moment. But in the long run, you can save yourself a whole lot of drama and heartache. Before you give someone your laundry list, make sure your house is in order.

Don't say you want to be with somebody, but you still out there in those streets. You might want to preface that with, if I was ready, I would want to be with you. I know, I know, I know...easier said than done. And if you are ready to come in before dusk or dawn for some of ya'll and be committed to one person and give them all that you expect and desire and more...then your house may be in order.

But if you out here on the playground and not ready for recess to end...just continue to play. Just hope that one day you are not out there playing by yourself. Unless you don't like people or like to play by yourself....you won't enjoy it in the long run.

Don't let the decisions you make for today impact your opportunity in the future!

This is for me too! I am still a work in progress, but knowing that is a start. Some of you don't even know that...

okay, okay, I'm done. Be blessed.

Say Something...

This shish was all I knew, you and me only...

I did this all for you...

Still you were lonely....

We could've worked it out...

Drake and Timbo hit this one out the park, those few lines are poignant. So many times we are in a situation and feel like we have no voice, but we actually do. They are talking about a situation when the relationship wasn't working and the person didn't say anything, but bye! See ya! But I am going to take a different spin on these lyrics...

Case in point, when I was a freshman there was this guy that both my friend and I thought was handsome...We probably said he was fine...and he was. He was an athlete, nice physique, complexion, and height. He was intelligent and did I say good looking oh and let me not leave out the most important one..Christian. Like he went to Bible study every week, did not use foul language, believed in the sanctity of marriage, and the importance of taking care of your family and community. Let the church say Amen!

What was I thinking? I know right, but we believers say God has someone for everybody. The truth of the matter is, my friend called dibs on him first. Now for those out there reading, I'm not saying this like he was up on the auction block, but you know how it is when you are out and see someone that is attractive, the first one that says I am going to holla, gets the opportunity. Well, in most cases. Remind me to blog on that another day.

At any rate, my friend starts hanging out with the guy and although the two of them have nothing in common besides both being athletes, she pursues him, why? Because he was fine, intelligent, just refer to the laundry list in the opening paragraph. Lol.

Well, she started saying that he seemed to be more interested in me than in her...I kept saying, no he likes you. Mainly because I thought I wasn't his type and he had more in common with my friend than with me. Needless to say, she was right. We ended up talking and hanging out together a lot. Now the time came for me to say something.... to at least my friend that at one point really liked this guy. How would I do it? What would say? Would she believe it was unintentional and that things just happened? Well would you believe it? I couldn't decide what the best approach was, so one day she and I were supposed to go do something together, the guy called me and invited me to hang out. I immediately jumped in my car and went to see him, but not before leaving her a note....a note...I know right...unbelievable. I explained how things just happened and how I had been trying to figure out how to tell her for weeks, but didn't think she would accept it. I knew number one she'd be mad at me...of course she'd had first dibs. Well, the friend ended up giving me an ultimatum....it was either her or him?

Now looking back on this my decision was wrong, heck even then, I knew I should've kept him in my life...but what did I do, choose my friend over a guy. I'd known her longer. I just knew him for a semester. Besides, that's what is expected of you...at the end of the day, I should've said something to her about how I really felt and hoped she understood.

There was a small window of time when he still pursued me, I may have kissed him one last time, but we knew that I had chosen her over him. And instead of me going with my heart, I went with my head.

What's the point of the story? So when we meet people in life and love especially, that we know we want to keep in our lives forever, why don't we just say that...instead of doing silly stuff. We will hem and haw around the subject. We will wait for the perfect opportunity or moment to tell the person how we really feel. We will say to ourselves, it will all work or it won't work. And sometimes it does, but why don't we just say something? Most of the time the other person is just waiting on us to do so...

When we love we take risks. We could get hurt, be disappointed, or even left. But we would never know the outcome if we don't take the risk. (From CogitateonThis on Twitter)

Reverend Do "Wrong"...

So, my guest blogger, Miss Indecisive has inspired me to provide ya'll with a throwback situation that I experienced several years ago...when I was real pup...I think about 22...ok, so here goes:

When I graduated from college, I moved to Indiana and while there, I made some really close friends and made the most of my time there...during this time in my life, I was trying to enhance my spirituality, get more deep rooted into the Word, etc...so, like I'm doing here in Texas, I was church hopping, trying to find my place...so I found a place that I was ready to call home, I enjoyed the music ministry, the closeness of the congregation, and the pastor...now, this pastor was young (maybe 30ish)....newly married, no children...his wife appeared to be older than him, but she could've just been playing the "ole school" traditional first lady role...long skirts, un-stylish hair, etc....

The church wasn't very big, one of those where if you were new, everyone knew it, which I had no issue with, that was one of the things that attracted me to the church....so, one Sunday, I felt moved to join the church...so, I did so...I was really excited that I'd finally found a church home....the Wednesday after I joined the church, I get a personal call from the pastor...he asked me if I was coming to Bible Study...I found it a bit odd that the pastor called me personally, but I was thinkin, well maybe that's just how it is at this church...but, I couldn't help but ask the pastor if he called all his members to inquire about their Bible Study attendance...his reply was "only the new ones"...I'm like..ok, I can accept that....I informed him that I wouldn't be attending this particular week, but would make it the following week...

So, the next day I get another call from the Pastor...early in the morning....he wanted to tell me to have a blessed day...I'm finding this odd, but am a little naive at this stage in life....so, I'm not reading too much into this....next day comes (and maybe it wasn't the exact next day, but it was too frequent for my comfort)...I get another call...so this time, I actually hold a conversation with him, because I'm wondering what his agenda is...is he truly interested in enhancing my spirituality or is he looking for a side-piece...my thoughts, no, he's a pastor, a man of the cloth, he'd never....riiiigghht...

So this conversation revealed alot about him and his thoughts of me...I won't go into the exact details of the convo, mainly because I can't remember, but the jist of it was...he felt like I gave off a flirtatious vibe...which I do, although I didn't feel as though I did in this case...he said that I would look at him intensely as he preached...ummm...that was called paying attention, but whatever....and lastly, he asked if I wanted to be his mistress...WTH...did you really just ask me that pastor?!...at this point, I was intrigued, not because I had an interest in being his mistress, but because I'm wondering how a man of the cloth, who preaches against these types of behaviors ask me such a question...so, I politely asked him, how he could ask me something like that, as a pastor...his response, "I'm still a man"...I learn that before he was a pastor, he was a womanizer and only got married because it was unacceptable to be a single pastor....WOW...talk about my little 22yr old mind being blown...

So, I tell him that I'm not interested and to please never call me again..after this conversation, I found myself depressed, wondering what I'd done to be approached in this manner, had I led him to believe this was something I wanted and if so, how, what did I do...additionally, I stopped going to church..for several months, which was unlike me....I was confused, lost, and didn't understand this until I finally opened up about to my g-ma...who quickly informed me that this wasn't anything new, there was nothing that I did and that I was right to stop attending his church...

Now...I had friends in Indiana that inquired about my abrupt dis-interest this church..I did not share with them what happened, because I didn't want to discourage them from going...however, about 4 or 5 yrs later, I get a message from friend of mine who also attended that church with me...we'd both moved to new cities, but she asked me why I'd stopped attending..I went ahead and told her...and she said, "I knew it" and then went on to tell me that he'd gotten one of the members pregnant and it was a huge scandal in this little town....WOW....he continued on and finally got caught up...

I write this because after this happened, my male friends informed me that instances like this is one reason why men don't attend church...they feel like the men leading the church aren't true pillars of the Word and are more times than not discouraged due to these types of behaviors....do you find this to be true? I've heard this from several men actually...women, how would you have handled this situation?

Thoughts....

Attractive, Established, and Wealthy…What's Wrong with Him?

Isn't it amazing how we think if a man or woman is successful and single that something is wrong with them...

So, I have been struggling with how I would kick off my entries for this blog, but last week, I had an experience that would definitely bring some interesting commentary from people. I was out with some friends at a happy hour, I call it HH. You will learn I have acronyms and nick names for almost everything! Anyway, we were at a happy hour when this attractive gentleman, probably in his late 30s/early 40s, joined my friend and I at our sitting area. The location of the HH has couches that face each other. So my guy friend (strictly platonic) and I are sitting on one couch and this guy comes up. My guy friend introduces me to the gentleman. HIs name is Marcus. Marcus sits down and tells me that it will likely take him a few times to remember my name because he isn't good at that….I am thinking what? I mean it's one thing to be honest, but another to be lazy or basically say you are not important enough for me to remember your name. I tell Marcus, wow, that's interesting. I am glad to know that you will not take .5% of your memory to remember my name during the course of our conversation. He laughs and says, no it's not that…then I say what is it…I continue to give him a hard time about his disinterest and decide, I don't know him to joke with him like that and decide to put the blade down. My friend tells Marcus that I like to call people out…I just say, better to do it to your face than behind your back

: )

So Marcus and I continue to banter back and forth. He tells me he is originally from the South and was in the military before working for the company he is currently employed by…I had other plans to go to this little NBA Finals kick off party, so I told Marcus, it was nice to meet him, but I had to go…He said well you should come back. I do have to admit that the dj at the HH was jamming and we were having a good conversation, but I had an early day the next day…like had to be at work at 5:45 early day. So I say, well, we shall see. By that time I was already a hour and a half late for the party and had just texted the host to say I would be there in 20 minutes. 45 minutes later, I made it to the party… I told Marcus, that I may get up with him after the Finals party….

Well, you know what happened….I ended up texting my guy friend and Marcus to see where they were ( oh you know I got the number, he was cute and we had good conversation, he speaks french too). They both replied, we are still at the same location, so I say okay, I am coming back. Once I return, I hear that Marcus composes symphonies….Hmm…You know I love the arts and people that are into them…i whatever capacity. Before I left, Marcus was telling me about the different kinds of wines he enjoys and ones I should try. I told him I don't care for too many reds, so he schooled me on a few of those. He says that he has been deployed a few times and was in the military for quite some time. Then he says has lived all over the world and is going to the Caribbean in a few weeks for two weeks… I say that's what's up. He goes on to say, he has a home there with a few acres. I say okay…the home is on an island in the British Virgin Islands. I say, attractive, intelligent, cultured, and wealthy, shoot… I might need to engage in some more conversation and I might need to go to the Caribbean real soon! lol

Well, by this time, a couple of hours have gone by, the place is about to close and my friends, along with Marcus are leaving. My friends go to their cars and Marcus and I stop at mine. Our conversation continues, he tells me it's a pleasure to meet me, he loves my smile, and my sprit and hopes to see me again. I say, well, we shall see. The longer we talk the closer he gets to me…I keep thinking, is he trying to get in for a kiss…surely not. I just met him, so I'm like negative, but as I suspected that was definitely his intention. We end the night and I get into my car, he immediately calls me and says, are you sure you have to go to sleep…by now it's after midnight. I say, oh yes I do and even if I didn't, you and I would have to wrap this convo up…well maybe not, he is attractive, wealthy, and established.

Well Marcus was only in the area for the weekend and I was going out of town for the weekend, so unfortunately we didn't have a whole lot of time to spend with each other. The next morning, Marcus text me and said good morning. Yep, typical…I am thinking…playa playa…We end up going to lunch with some other friends the same afternoon. We shared a few little smiles and short exchanges during lunch, then he ask what I am doing afterwards. I say working from home and then going out of town. He says he wants to see me before I leave, I say we might can make that happen. Of course, we do. We end up having a smoothie and he says, you can ask me any question you want to ask me, but know I will be open and honest. I am thinking, red flag…he has some skeletons. So I start with the general questions, do you have kids? He says, yes, three- ages 8, 10, and 12, but my 8 year old lives in another state. I say, are you married? But thinking to myself, if he was, then surely he wouldn't be engaging in conversation with me. He says, yes. Hmm, the red flag I was talking about…there it was. I said, how long? He said 12 years. I say, hold on, you have a 8 year old that lives in another state. He says, yes, I had a friend when I was stationed somewhere else and unfortunately we got too close and had a child. I said, interesting. He just looked…I am thinking to myself unbelievable. Now I didn't think he was going to the Caribbean by himself, but his actions did not show he was married. This time, he tells me to ask more questions, I say, I don't know that I have anymore. Because for me at this point, I no longer have an interest in him… I tell him that it is so unfortunate that we met and that his behavior is questionable. He says, well the fact that I am married, does that change things? I am looking at him like…duh it does. He says, well we hit it off, we have a definite chemistry, and attraction. I say, all true, but my moral compass will not allow me to have any other interaction with you. I just could not believe it…not that married men have not approached me, but this one was different. He did not give off the normal signals…He then says, his wife's family owns several properties in the British Virgin Islands, it's a business of theirs…she's actually from the Caribbean…I say interesting…and then ask him, Where's your moral compass? He says, I just met someone who I instantly was attracted to both physically and intellectually..SMH! So readers I ask you, where is your moral compass?

We all have things that we do that are not right, sometimes unintentionally, but most times we know. We all, hopefully we all, have a core value system. Our values may be different, but some things are just wrong. What would you have said or done in this situation? For me, I have to ask more questions, forget if the person thinks you are being too forward or nosey…I could've ended up being the other woman or one of many. What you think about that?

Introducing - - - - Miss Indecisive - - - -Another Guest Blogger...

So...I'm happy to introduce, yet another opinionist to this forum....her name is Miss Indecisive...she will offer us entertainment based on her life experiences, thoughts, etc...like myself and Mr. Negativity, she will say whatever she feels, when she feels, how she feels...my intro for her is a little late, but she tells you about herself in her post...

Introducing...Miss Indecisive... (clap, clap, clap)!

Hello World...It's Me....

Hi There Gang! I am extra excited about the opportunity to join the writing staff of this open and honest blog about life. My name is Miss Indecisive. Like some people out there, I struggle with making some of life's most important decisions and even those not that important, like which earring will I wear with a sundress. This generally comes in to play when dealing with men.

I live in a big little area in Arkansas and am between the age of 25 and 35. You do the math. I am open to a lot of things and usually don't have a hard time making friends or meeting people of the opposite sex. Which for some people, especially in our area, is difficult. I will discuss that at a later time. I like to have fun, listen to music, sing, dance, and travel. If you want to get the party started or the conversation started, call me.

I told the creator of this blog, I will share past and present experiences about my life and my inability at times to make a decision. Why am I indecisive? You tell me. I have a general idea. There are lots of choices out there and I don't want to make the wrong one. If you had to choose between a Honda Accord, brand new, fully loaded or a used Lexus with low miles, what would you choose? Some of you might automatically say the Honda, but both of them would be good choices. These are the dilemmas I face frequently. I hope you enjoy my entries, and please give a sista some feedback! This is for your entertainment purposes only…

Three's Company?

Good Monday gang! Hope all is well with you and yours. Today's post is brought to you by the number 3 and the letter A...as in 3 ASSES up in the bed.

So of course I gotta bring you some hijinx from another couple friend of mine. Duane and Debra have been together for a few years now. Actually, I used to talk to Debra back in the day. Nothing serious ever came of it, but we remained mad cool all these years. Debra met Duane and seeing as he is a very connected professional here in my city, she introduced us. We hit it off and so we hang out for drinks from time to time. The other day we are out watching the game and drinking when Duane asks me if I'm into white chicks. Random question, but still didn't see anything wrong with the convo yet. He begins to tell me this story of some white woman he works with that is really wild and into all kinds of sexual things. Of course I had to ask how he knew all these details about her likes and dislikes. That is when he tells me that he and Debra had done a threesome with her in the recent past.

Now imagine my face...not only you sitting here telling me a CRAZY story (details will be omitted for the sake of decency) but then you give me a visual of you and Debra, whom I know. Duane, sensing my shock I guess, turns the convo into threesome talk. Come to find out, it is something Duane and Debra do routinely. Well, I don't want to make them sounds like freaks, but they do it from time to time. Duane said it is mostly when they travel away from home and it is ALWAYS someone that they both agree to invite to the bed. Again, because I know these two folks, I am in shock. They are the last people I would peg as habitual threesome participants...but then again, you never know.

My best friend and I have these theory that the more professional you are, the freakier you tend to be. I mean, the regular hood rat or street thug may do some filthy things, but if you really want to be turned out head to the nearest doctor or lawyer you know...I'm just saying.

No real question here today folks, just wanted to share an interesting story and get your take on threesomes. Yay or Nay? What about the theory that professionals make the biggest freaks?What say you?

P.S. The names of the people in my life are changed to protect the innocent..lol
P.S.S. Guess I shoulda stayed with Debra huh...lol

Where Is The Love (as sung by Roberta Flack)

"Where is the love...you said was mine all mine...'til the end of time...was it all lie?"

So, I return home from a GREAT vacation to hear that former Vice President Al Gore and his wife Tipper Gore are seperating after 40 years of marriage. Damn, after 40 years you go and call it quits? What really happened there to make one walk away after 40 years of marriage. You might as well stick it out now. At best, the best years of their life are behind them now so why spend it alone. It is hard enough out here dating at 30, so I can't imagine being a senior citizen and trying to meet folks to get my swerve on.

The story made me wonder what commitment really is. I have been to countless weddings and have sat through couple after couple recite vows about 'better and for worse' and 'til death do us part.' Neither Al nor Tipper look dead, so what gives? What would your spouse have to do after 40 years for you to call it quits?

What say you?

Friend or Not a Friend, That is the Question....

So, I'm a little pissy about something and I'd like to get it off my chest, as well as get feedback on how I should move forward....ready...OK...

I celebrate my birthday for the whole month...lol...that's just how I roll...anywho, one of my birthday celebration weekends was with a close "friend" of mine. We made all these plans to go out to eat, hit the town, shake our tail feathers, etc....additionally, we decided to do it in her city...she lives in a cool place, like myself...lol...so I work all week, anticipating this b-day celebration with my "friend"...that Friday I'm relieved that the week was over...I'd had several difficult conversations that week, both personally and professionally, so I was ready to kick it with with my girl...so, I drive to her city with my hype playlist on...lol...

I get there Friday and all was well with the world, my issue arrives on Saturday....Saturday we'd plan to hit this new spot that I'd heard so much about....all the young professionals were hyping this place up, so I'm thinkin, this is the perfect place to have my b-day celebration....at some point in the evening, my friend disappears to handle some "bi-ness", I didn't ask a bunch of questions because hey, she's grown and she knows our plan for the evening...the night progresses and she's still gone, so I go ahead and hit the spot solo, expecting her to come behind not long after...when I get there, I see some folks that I know from school, so I started catching up with them...looked up and realized it was damn near midnight...so I check my phone and I'd gotten a text sayin, "I'm on my way"...so I continue drinking and choppin it up with my old college homies...the dj is jammin, so I hop on the dance floor, Stanky Leg, Halle Berry, Dougie, and Flex...LOL....at this point, it's about 1ish and my "friend" is still a no show...so, I'm like damn, where is she...anyone that know me, knows that I'm a worry wart, so, I immediately think something has happened to her..so I go outside to give her a call and realize she'd sent me another message sayin she wasn't coming...so, I'm a little agged at this point because not only did I come up here to see yo ass, it's my damn b-day celebration...

So, after the club, I head back to her crib and when I get there, she's not there...so, tired and drunk, I go to sleep..."it's morning and we've slept the night away"...lol...here she comes draggin in when the sun is out as if nothing happened...I have a MAJOR attitude about this whole little situation...she can sense the tude and goes on to explain that she was hangin out with some dude...she mentions his name and I'm like wait, isn't this the dude that been playin games with you and being shady....she like yea (women can be so stupid)...so, at that point I'm EXTRA pissy...I pack my ish and head back home...the entire way, I'm fuming about the situation...

So, I pose these questions to you, how do I handle this "friend"? Do I tell her how I feel and how it made me feel for her to put me down after I drove to see HER, for some dude?! What does that say about our "friendship"?!

Thoughts?!!?!....