So, this topic stemmed from a conversation I had with a close friend...when I looked up the definition of these two words, they seemed to be one in the same...the definition of settle include decide and vice versa...but once I really put it into context, I was puzzled as to if they really were...ok, here we go...
In my mind, there is a difference between these two words, let's look at it in the case of relationships (of course, right...lol)...to me (this is my opinion and mine alone), settling is when you involve yourself in a relationship where you compromise your wants, needs, desires to appease the other person who doesn't have that same consideration for you and you do it because you either love them, are tired of dating, or a combination of both...deciding, on the other hand, is when you've reached a certain place in life, i.e., ready to be in a committed relationship, someone comes along who's goals are aligned with yours (the relationship piece), they meet most of your "standards" and while this may not be the person you thought you'd be with, you DECIDE to be with them...
My friend dropped this knowledge on me that was passed on to her by one of her male friends: there's the person you should've married, the one you could've married and the one you actually married...now, in some cases, these may all be one in the same, but I'm guessing NOT, in most cases...I have several married friends, some of which I know for sure made a decision to marry the individual that they did, not necessarily because they felt like that person was "the one", but that person was in the right place, at the right time, with the right mindset....I personally think that's okay...now, when I was younger, I was fixated on this whole there's only one person in the world for me, blah, blah, blah...I think there are several, I just have to DECIDE which one I want and all other things must align...
Settling, IMO, comes in different forms...I think people are considered to have settled if they marry someone that they have several children with, just because of the kids, or they've been together for 20yrs, so that's the next natural step, or they already live together, so why not...BUT, in some cases it could be, I have 2 kids with you and I've DECIDED that I want to spend the rest of my life with you and us as a family...how do you distinguish between these two things...
As you can read, it seems like these two things can be one in the same, but can also be quite different...I'm really interested to know the varying opinions on this topic...don't worry, if you don't want to be known, feel free to post your comment anonymously...I'm just wanting some good commentary out of this....
Settling vs. Deciding...Is there a difference??!!
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
What Ever Happened...Does It Happen...
As I sit here on my floor to mentally prepare for my weekend adventures, I can't help but reflect on my life (I do that alot, probably a little too much)...I think about all the relationships I've had, the ones I'd wished I had, and the ultimate one that God is preparing me for. As I reflect on the past, I can't help but wonder what ever happened to the perceived "good ole days", you know, the ones where boy liked girl, girl liked boy, they get to know one another, fall in love, and get married...then I stop myself and say, that's only in the movies...or is it...
What I'm trying to understand, is why is it so hard for two people that like one another, to date, marry (if applicable), have kids, etc...why do we (men and women) always feel like we're missing something if we key in on the person that interests us at that moment???? We all live in this "don't put all your eggs in one basket" mentality, but isn't it okay to temporarily park your eggs and if the basket isn't suitable, then we move on to another???
Another point of confusion is complete disappearing acts...how can you go from talking to someone daily, finally setting up a day to meet and then when that day comes, not only does the person not show up, they don't answer any calls, texts or even have the decency to send a "I'm sorry I couldn't make it" message. In this particular example, the 2 people had never met face-to-face, had great conversation for a couple of weeks and then crickets...maybe my male readers can shed some light on this phenomenon...
I say all this to say, dating someone that is God sent should be natural, no games, no anxiety (bad anxiety), everything should just flow, so ladies and fellas, if you find yourself with headaches, frustration, bad anxiety, or any of these unsettling vibes, while you're getting to know someone, just let it go...now, this is one woman's opinion, a single woman at that...lol...but, I'm happily single and am not stressed out about finding the "one"...he will find me, when He has prepared us (catch it)...anywho...this was on my mind and I haven't written in a loooonnngg time, so here goes it!
Happy Reading!
What I'm trying to understand, is why is it so hard for two people that like one another, to date, marry (if applicable), have kids, etc...why do we (men and women) always feel like we're missing something if we key in on the person that interests us at that moment???? We all live in this "don't put all your eggs in one basket" mentality, but isn't it okay to temporarily park your eggs and if the basket isn't suitable, then we move on to another???
Another point of confusion is complete disappearing acts...how can you go from talking to someone daily, finally setting up a day to meet and then when that day comes, not only does the person not show up, they don't answer any calls, texts or even have the decency to send a "I'm sorry I couldn't make it" message. In this particular example, the 2 people had never met face-to-face, had great conversation for a couple of weeks and then crickets...maybe my male readers can shed some light on this phenomenon...
I say all this to say, dating someone that is God sent should be natural, no games, no anxiety (bad anxiety), everything should just flow, so ladies and fellas, if you find yourself with headaches, frustration, bad anxiety, or any of these unsettling vibes, while you're getting to know someone, just let it go...now, this is one woman's opinion, a single woman at that...lol...but, I'm happily single and am not stressed out about finding the "one"...he will find me, when He has prepared us (catch it)...anywho...this was on my mind and I haven't written in a loooonnngg time, so here goes it!
Happy Reading!
Monday, July 26, 2010
The Broth-aas and The Oth-aas...
I've been asked several times to write on this topic, "our" men migrating towards other races....well, I may have a different and somewhat controversial opinion than my sistas...so, let's get to it...
Why do we lose our brothas, good brothas at that?? Well, my theory is simple, they don't want to deal with the bitter, angry, rude, self-centered, petty, self-ish, nagging black woman...now, you may wonder why I'm dissing our women, I'm not, I'm simply being honest...oth-aas are viewed as being easier to tolerate...
Case in point....a man leaves his shoes in the same spot on the floor everyday...white woman reaction...picks the shoes up, puts them in closet, goes to give the baby a bath and then makes love to her man all night....black woman reaction...I done told yo ass to pick these shoes up, why do I have to do everything, rolls eyes, slams doors, may or may not cook dinner and def no love making session that night...now, I may be exaggerating a bit, but this is general response from our women..
Ok, IMO, we as black women (me included) are not as care-free about things, we are generally very uptight, not to say that the "oth-aas" don't get mad or irritated, but they get over it much quicker or will continue with business as usual, in other words, they don't let the shoes being on the floor ruin the rest of the night...a lot of black women are bitter, they've allowed one man or hell, even a string of men to ruin it for everyone else...if you've had a string of bad relationships, you may want to look at the common denominator (you, for my slow readers)...if you've had one or two, get over it...I can guarantee you he ain't thinkin about yo ass...while you sittin up mad, he layin up with some white/asian/mexican chick....
Based on conversations I've had with black men, one of the number one reasons for not wanting to deal with the black woman is her ATTITUDE..whew, I understand, because I surely have one on me, but I will say that I've calmed down alot over the years because I've realized that life is too short to walk around mad at things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things...when I find myself getting upset, I think to myself, if he were to die today, how would I feel after bitching about these shoes on the floor...make sense?!
I do have a question ladies, why do we get so worked up when we see "our" men with an "oth-aa"?!?! I know women that won't even converse with a man that's dated or dates white women...why, what difference does that make, does that make him less of a man, why not try to understand his reasoning behind it....on the flip side, it's perfectly acceptable for us to date outside our race, we don't roll our eyes or disown our sistas when they step outside the chocolate...double standard, maybe, but we don't like the ho double standard...you know, the one where a man is a pimp or player if he sleeps around, but a woman is a ho...think about it...
So, my suggestion is this...when you find yourself upset over something trivial, think about the big picture, think about how much that really matters...is this how you would want your last conversation to go??!!...these are questions I ask myself when I find myself mad or frustrated with someone I'm involved with...or better yet, just talk about it...you'll get much further with your man if you have a discussion with him that doesn't include screaming, yelling and attitude...it's okay to be mad, but when you are, take a second, breathe, go for a walk, take a shower, whatever it takes to calm you down and THEN talk to your man...communication is key!
Let me conclude by sayin, men, the above isn't an excuse for you to discount a whole race of women, just like you expect us to rid ourselves of "baggage" from previous experiences, you should do the same...just because one was bitter, doesn't mean we all are...I believe that is the perception that some of you have....so net-net, if we meet one another and we leave the baggage at the door, we can experience black love, which is a beautiful thang!
Why do we lose our brothas, good brothas at that?? Well, my theory is simple, they don't want to deal with the bitter, angry, rude, self-centered, petty, self-ish, nagging black woman...now, you may wonder why I'm dissing our women, I'm not, I'm simply being honest...oth-aas are viewed as being easier to tolerate...
Case in point....a man leaves his shoes in the same spot on the floor everyday...white woman reaction...picks the shoes up, puts them in closet, goes to give the baby a bath and then makes love to her man all night....black woman reaction...I done told yo ass to pick these shoes up, why do I have to do everything, rolls eyes, slams doors, may or may not cook dinner and def no love making session that night...now, I may be exaggerating a bit, but this is general response from our women..
Ok, IMO, we as black women (me included) are not as care-free about things, we are generally very uptight, not to say that the "oth-aas" don't get mad or irritated, but they get over it much quicker or will continue with business as usual, in other words, they don't let the shoes being on the floor ruin the rest of the night...a lot of black women are bitter, they've allowed one man or hell, even a string of men to ruin it for everyone else...if you've had a string of bad relationships, you may want to look at the common denominator (you, for my slow readers)...if you've had one or two, get over it...I can guarantee you he ain't thinkin about yo ass...while you sittin up mad, he layin up with some white/asian/mexican chick....
Based on conversations I've had with black men, one of the number one reasons for not wanting to deal with the black woman is her ATTITUDE..whew, I understand, because I surely have one on me, but I will say that I've calmed down alot over the years because I've realized that life is too short to walk around mad at things that really don't matter in the grand scheme of things...when I find myself getting upset, I think to myself, if he were to die today, how would I feel after bitching about these shoes on the floor...make sense?!
I do have a question ladies, why do we get so worked up when we see "our" men with an "oth-aa"?!?! I know women that won't even converse with a man that's dated or dates white women...why, what difference does that make, does that make him less of a man, why not try to understand his reasoning behind it....on the flip side, it's perfectly acceptable for us to date outside our race, we don't roll our eyes or disown our sistas when they step outside the chocolate...double standard, maybe, but we don't like the ho double standard...you know, the one where a man is a pimp or player if he sleeps around, but a woman is a ho...think about it...
So, my suggestion is this...when you find yourself upset over something trivial, think about the big picture, think about how much that really matters...is this how you would want your last conversation to go??!!...these are questions I ask myself when I find myself mad or frustrated with someone I'm involved with...or better yet, just talk about it...you'll get much further with your man if you have a discussion with him that doesn't include screaming, yelling and attitude...it's okay to be mad, but when you are, take a second, breathe, go for a walk, take a shower, whatever it takes to calm you down and THEN talk to your man...communication is key!
Let me conclude by sayin, men, the above isn't an excuse for you to discount a whole race of women, just like you expect us to rid ourselves of "baggage" from previous experiences, you should do the same...just because one was bitter, doesn't mean we all are...I believe that is the perception that some of you have....so net-net, if we meet one another and we leave the baggage at the door, we can experience black love, which is a beautiful thang!
Thursday, July 22, 2010
Why Justin?!?!...
Does everyone remember Justin?!...if not, please refer to the May postings...ok....quick update, he texts me about once a month...randomly, to say hi, how you been, what you up to...everytime I get my monthly "check-in" from him, I think to myself, what has caused me to be his random thought of the day....funny thing is this, Justin has been so far removed from my thoughts that when I get these messages, I'm more irritated than intrigued....I guess he does it to see if I'll respond...hell, I don't know...these men kill me in 2010...that is all!
Gimme My Damn Number BACK!!
So, there seems to be a new phenomenon...well, maybe it's just new to me, but this whole concept of getting someone's number and not using it or using it for random texts...let's discuss further...
I'll use my most recent experience, I go out with a friend of mine one night to a bar....it was a real chill atmosphere, mixed crowd, etc., so, this guy makes small talk with me, handsome fella, kinda had a NY vibe to him (I've been running into that alot lately)..anyway, we chat for all of 2 seconds and then I walk away....so several minutes later, I go to the bar to get a drink (another drink of course..lol) and he approaches me....more small talk, i.e., what you drinkin, where you from, blah, blah, blah...so, he asks for my number and I give it to him because he seems like a cool dude...
SN: I did notice him there with a female that seemed to be more than a friend, but less than a girlfriend, maybe he was on a date, or something, but I was advised not to sweat that, so I didn't....
Ok, back to the story...he texted me that night (just to make sure I had his number) and then we had a string of text conversations the following day....but after that...nothing, wait, I take that back, I got a random one late one night asking me why I was still up (he saw that I just updated my fb status)...but other than that, that's it....
So my question is this, why do we as people take numbers or should I say, ask for numbers that we have no intention on using...my guess is that this dude is in a relationship, which is fine, but after the first set of small talk, the approach at the bar shouldn't have even happened (esp if he was on the suspected date mentioned above)...
Now, I will say that I enjoy some of his fb posts or whatever, but beyond that, we don't communicate....so what was the point in getting the digits?? Is it an ego thing (let me see if I still got it)?? I guess I just don't understand, I don't believe in unnecessary effort, in other words, if I meet you and I know I'm not gonna like you or I know that I'm unavailable, I'll politely let you know that the exchange of numbers is a waste of time....
Fellas...talk to me on this...I'm really confused! Ladies, am I alone in this phenomenon...maybe it's me shoot! LOL!
I'll use my most recent experience, I go out with a friend of mine one night to a bar....it was a real chill atmosphere, mixed crowd, etc., so, this guy makes small talk with me, handsome fella, kinda had a NY vibe to him (I've been running into that alot lately)..anyway, we chat for all of 2 seconds and then I walk away....so several minutes later, I go to the bar to get a drink (another drink of course..lol) and he approaches me....more small talk, i.e., what you drinkin, where you from, blah, blah, blah...so, he asks for my number and I give it to him because he seems like a cool dude...
SN: I did notice him there with a female that seemed to be more than a friend, but less than a girlfriend, maybe he was on a date, or something, but I was advised not to sweat that, so I didn't....
Ok, back to the story...he texted me that night (just to make sure I had his number) and then we had a string of text conversations the following day....but after that...nothing, wait, I take that back, I got a random one late one night asking me why I was still up (he saw that I just updated my fb status)...but other than that, that's it....
So my question is this, why do we as people take numbers or should I say, ask for numbers that we have no intention on using...my guess is that this dude is in a relationship, which is fine, but after the first set of small talk, the approach at the bar shouldn't have even happened (esp if he was on the suspected date mentioned above)...
Now, I will say that I enjoy some of his fb posts or whatever, but beyond that, we don't communicate....so what was the point in getting the digits?? Is it an ego thing (let me see if I still got it)?? I guess I just don't understand, I don't believe in unnecessary effort, in other words, if I meet you and I know I'm not gonna like you or I know that I'm unavailable, I'll politely let you know that the exchange of numbers is a waste of time....
Fellas...talk to me on this...I'm really confused! Ladies, am I alone in this phenomenon...maybe it's me shoot! LOL!
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
"The Friend Zone"....
First, let me say that I've missed you guys..I've been sooooooo busy with work, the new city, etc., but I'm slowly, but surely, finding my bearings!...ok, so today, I'd like to discuss "the friend zone"...so, girl meets boy, girl and boy hang, conversate, etc., girl and boy may (or may not) have a mutual attraction, but ONE of them does...so what do you do???
This is always a touchy topic, mainly because you don't want to "ruin" the friendship right, BUT, this is not one of your life-long friends, this is a new friend that you obviously found interesting in some way or you wouldn't have formed the friendship right?...are we really making new friends of the opposite sex at this stage in life or do we befriend people that we may have some level of attraction to and then at some point we throw them into "the friend zone"?!?!
So what happens when you enter "the friend zone"??...well, you begin to discuss dating, sex, feelings about other people, etc., and until that ONE person that caught feelings has allowed those feelings to pass, there's some level of discomfort when these conversations take place, but on the flip side, the comfort level increases and then the OTHER person realizes, damn, I'm kinda feelin this chick/dude, but it's too late because they've placed you in "the friend zone".
A dear friend of mine introduced this phrase to me several years ago, why, because he'd just entered "the friend zone" with me...LOL...from then on, I've tried to keep my relationships at certain levels, putting friends in their place, possi-boos (new term) in their place, and definite interests in theirs.....the key here is to know yourself and be honest with those around you to make sure everyone is on the same page!
This is always a touchy topic, mainly because you don't want to "ruin" the friendship right, BUT, this is not one of your life-long friends, this is a new friend that you obviously found interesting in some way or you wouldn't have formed the friendship right?...are we really making new friends of the opposite sex at this stage in life or do we befriend people that we may have some level of attraction to and then at some point we throw them into "the friend zone"?!?!
So what happens when you enter "the friend zone"??...well, you begin to discuss dating, sex, feelings about other people, etc., and until that ONE person that caught feelings has allowed those feelings to pass, there's some level of discomfort when these conversations take place, but on the flip side, the comfort level increases and then the OTHER person realizes, damn, I'm kinda feelin this chick/dude, but it's too late because they've placed you in "the friend zone".
A dear friend of mine introduced this phrase to me several years ago, why, because he'd just entered "the friend zone" with me...LOL...from then on, I've tried to keep my relationships at certain levels, putting friends in their place, possi-boos (new term) in their place, and definite interests in theirs.....the key here is to know yourself and be honest with those around you to make sure everyone is on the same page!
Sunday, July 11, 2010
CLARITY- THE VISION STATEMENT FOR 2010
I started this year saying I wanted clarity in my life. Little did I know it would take me so long to get there. I truly believe that once you speak something (whether good or bad) into existence, it happens.
For me clarity is about knowing what you want and what it will take to get it. It is applicable to many aspects of life. One of the hardest things I have had to do is figure out who I am and what I want out of life. I used to love living in the gray and lately I found out that I am liking it less and less.
One day, this post will make sense to you, but since I am still a work in progress, this is all I got.
My parting words are: If you are looking for something, you surely will find it. If you know you want something, go after it. Don't let an opportunity or moment pass you by. If you are not going after it, try to understand why. Either it's not what you really want or you are afraid of not getting what you want...The problem is, if you don't take any action, you are left in the dark. Not knowing anything more than you knew before you did nothing.
Ya'll be good. I have some good stuff to throw at you. This is just a little something to chew on, or swish around and spit out. You pick.
In my clarity, I am learning that being naked (vulnerable) is okay. At least every once in while...
One.
Monday, June 21, 2010
Raymond....The Highway Man...
Hello all....I know it's been a while since I've had anything to write about, not that what I have now is very interesting...but, it could be at some point, possibly...ok, so here we go:
I'm driving home from work today and while on the highway, I notice a car slowing down next to me...at first, I don't pay it any mind, but I notice through my peripheral that this car is trying to pace my speed...so I look over and notice it's man...he's driving an Infiniti SUV and through the tint, I can tell that he's darker than my liking....so, he motioning to me trying to tell me that I'm pretty...while I think that's nice and all..I'm thinking, we're on the interstate fool...so I speed up and signal for him to follow me off the next exit, I mean seriously...I'm not tryin to die...
So, we pull into the shell gas station, he gets out and off the bat, I notice a few things, he's tall, dark (as I suspected), slender build, blue-collar worker (I could tell from his hands), white teeth, and probably had at least one kid....so, the first thing he says to me is "what are you doing for the next 60yrs"...so I chuckle very loudly...I'm not really feelin this line, but hey, it wasn't too bad...he then goes on to tell me how beautiful I am and that he just had to get my attention...again, I'm looking at him and thinkin, he's so not my type, BUT, he's well spoken, very polite/respectful, seems really nice...so, I continue the conversation....he goes on to ask me if I'm married...I say no...and then he says, "can we talk"...so I say, "umm...not in this damn heat"...we laugh and he asks for my number....my initial thought is, I haven't had anyone to write about in a while, so I'll entertain him...
About 2hrs later, he calls...I must admit, I was expecting his call sooner than 2hrs...so, we chat and he's still very respectful, seems very nice in nature...his stats:
36yrs old, 2 kids (one he just found out when she was 16, which was 4yrs ago), has a roommate (I'll explain his explanation in a minute), he diagnoses air conditioning problems for a living, would like to write a book about his childhood and life experiences....ok, more details...
The 20yr old daughter....he kept mentioning that he was dealing with something that wouldn't be complete until April of 2011...my initial thoughts are that he's been in trouble with the law....the reason behind him living with a friend is because he found out about a daughter 4yrs ago, who is now 20...he's not been a part of her life, but her mother took him to court and demanded back child support...so, in Jan, in addition to his regular child support payments, he also had to pay back child support....so he's now paying about $800/mnth in support...but he will be done with the support in April of next year...now, that's a lot for a first conversation right...yes, but once he told me that there was "something" that he was "dealing" with, I inquired more about it...he was actually embarrassed to tell me, but I told him that ish happens...he said he didn't want to tell me about the child support thing so soon because he didn't want me to think that he wouldn't be able to take me out, etc., although, that's what I'm thinkin, but hey...I'm not gon be in his pockets at this point...btw...I'm thinkin that the SUV isn't his, so stay tuned on that...
So, we had a decent conversation, he wants to take me to the park to fly a kite..lol...because he wants to learn so he can do it with his son (3yrs old)...he was in an 8yr relationship with the mother who lives about an hour and a half away....the verdict as of now...he seems like a nice guy, who's had a challenging life, but appears to be humbled by his experiences....
I'm not counting him out, although, he's not my taste...I've been told that I'm not "open", so, I'm taking this opportunity to be open...stay tuned!
SN: He asks me if I pledged in college, I tell him that I pledged Delta..he says that he vowed to never date a Delta because they are assholes by nature...I cracked UP...so further in the conversation he asks me.."did you think about me at all, even just a little bit, between that time we drove off until I called"....so I say, "yes"...I paused...and then said "briefly"...his response "you damn Deltas"....LMAO....just had to share that...I thought that was a funny interaction...ok...now, stay tuned!
I'm driving home from work today and while on the highway, I notice a car slowing down next to me...at first, I don't pay it any mind, but I notice through my peripheral that this car is trying to pace my speed...so I look over and notice it's man...he's driving an Infiniti SUV and through the tint, I can tell that he's darker than my liking....so, he motioning to me trying to tell me that I'm pretty...while I think that's nice and all..I'm thinking, we're on the interstate fool...so I speed up and signal for him to follow me off the next exit, I mean seriously...I'm not tryin to die...
So, we pull into the shell gas station, he gets out and off the bat, I notice a few things, he's tall, dark (as I suspected), slender build, blue-collar worker (I could tell from his hands), white teeth, and probably had at least one kid....so, the first thing he says to me is "what are you doing for the next 60yrs"...so I chuckle very loudly...I'm not really feelin this line, but hey, it wasn't too bad...he then goes on to tell me how beautiful I am and that he just had to get my attention...again, I'm looking at him and thinkin, he's so not my type, BUT, he's well spoken, very polite/respectful, seems really nice...so, I continue the conversation....he goes on to ask me if I'm married...I say no...and then he says, "can we talk"...so I say, "umm...not in this damn heat"...we laugh and he asks for my number....my initial thought is, I haven't had anyone to write about in a while, so I'll entertain him...
About 2hrs later, he calls...I must admit, I was expecting his call sooner than 2hrs...so, we chat and he's still very respectful, seems very nice in nature...his stats:
36yrs old, 2 kids (one he just found out when she was 16, which was 4yrs ago), has a roommate (I'll explain his explanation in a minute), he diagnoses air conditioning problems for a living, would like to write a book about his childhood and life experiences....ok, more details...
The 20yr old daughter....he kept mentioning that he was dealing with something that wouldn't be complete until April of 2011...my initial thoughts are that he's been in trouble with the law....the reason behind him living with a friend is because he found out about a daughter 4yrs ago, who is now 20...he's not been a part of her life, but her mother took him to court and demanded back child support...so, in Jan, in addition to his regular child support payments, he also had to pay back child support....so he's now paying about $800/mnth in support...but he will be done with the support in April of next year...now, that's a lot for a first conversation right...yes, but once he told me that there was "something" that he was "dealing" with, I inquired more about it...he was actually embarrassed to tell me, but I told him that ish happens...he said he didn't want to tell me about the child support thing so soon because he didn't want me to think that he wouldn't be able to take me out, etc., although, that's what I'm thinkin, but hey...I'm not gon be in his pockets at this point...btw...I'm thinkin that the SUV isn't his, so stay tuned on that...
So, we had a decent conversation, he wants to take me to the park to fly a kite..lol...because he wants to learn so he can do it with his son (3yrs old)...he was in an 8yr relationship with the mother who lives about an hour and a half away....the verdict as of now...he seems like a nice guy, who's had a challenging life, but appears to be humbled by his experiences....
I'm not counting him out, although, he's not my taste...I've been told that I'm not "open", so, I'm taking this opportunity to be open...stay tuned!
SN: He asks me if I pledged in college, I tell him that I pledged Delta..he says that he vowed to never date a Delta because they are assholes by nature...I cracked UP...so further in the conversation he asks me.."did you think about me at all, even just a little bit, between that time we drove off until I called"....so I say, "yes"...I paused...and then said "briefly"...his response "you damn Deltas"....LMAO....just had to share that...I thought that was a funny interaction...ok...now, stay tuned!
Wednesday, June 16, 2010
Get Your House In Order
Now I want to address something near and dear to my heart....I just want to understand how can we expect to find the perfect mate and put all of these restrictions or expectations on them, but we wouldn't abide by the same thing.
So, some of you are saying, well because I me. And of course you are sugah....We wouldn't want you to be anyone else....and if you tried, it would be likely a disaster or foolish.
If you happen to be one of the people out there that says, I want a person with 20 things, but you don't even have 10 of the things on this list. Rethink your approach.
Now, I have done some foolishness or "the Most" to some people. I blame it on the indecisiveness...One minute I felt A, the next hour it was B. I am true to myself people, at least at that moment. But having double standards is never appropriate or cute!
It might be fun to know you can manipulate someone's mind or actions for a moment. But in the long run, you can save yourself a whole lot of drama and heartache. Before you give someone your laundry list, make sure your house is in order.
Don't say you want to be with somebody, but you still out there in those streets. You might want to preface that with, if I was ready, I would want to be with you. I know, I know, I know...easier said than done. And if you are ready to come in before dusk or dawn for some of ya'll and be committed to one person and give them all that you expect and desire and more...then your house may be in order.
But if you out here on the playground and not ready for recess to end...just continue to play. Just hope that one day you are not out there playing by yourself. Unless you don't like people or like to play by yourself....you won't enjoy it in the long run.
Don't let the decisions you make for today impact your opportunity in the future!
This is for me too! I am still a work in progress, but knowing that is a start. Some of you don't even know that...
okay, okay, I'm done. Be blessed.
Monday, June 14, 2010
Say Something...
This shish was all I knew, you and me only...
I did this all for you...
Still you were lonely....
We could've worked it out...
Drake and Timbo hit this one out the park, those few lines are poignant. So many times we are in a situation and feel like we have no voice, but we actually do. They are talking about a situation when the relationship wasn't working and the person didn't say anything, but bye! See ya! But I am going to take a different spin on these lyrics...
Case in point, when I was a freshman there was this guy that both my friend and I thought was handsome...We probably said he was fine...and he was. He was an athlete, nice physique, complexion, and height. He was intelligent and did I say good looking oh and let me not leave out the most important one..Christian. Like he went to Bible study every week, did not use foul language, believed in the sanctity of marriage, and the importance of taking care of your family and community. Let the church say Amen!
What was I thinking? I know right, but we believers say God has someone for everybody. The truth of the matter is, my friend called dibs on him first. Now for those out there reading, I'm not saying this like he was up on the auction block, but you know how it is when you are out and see someone that is attractive, the first one that says I am going to holla, gets the opportunity. Well, in most cases. Remind me to blog on that another day.
At any rate, my friend starts hanging out with the guy and although the two of them have nothing in common besides both being athletes, she pursues him, why? Because he was fine, intelligent, just refer to the laundry list in the opening paragraph. Lol.
Well, she started saying that he seemed to be more interested in me than in her...I kept saying, no he likes you. Mainly because I thought I wasn't his type and he had more in common with my friend than with me. Needless to say, she was right. We ended up talking and hanging out together a lot. Now the time came for me to say something.... to at least my friend that at one point really liked this guy. How would I do it? What would say? Would she believe it was unintentional and that things just happened? Well would you believe it? I couldn't decide what the best approach was, so one day she and I were supposed to go do something together, the guy called me and invited me to hang out. I immediately jumped in my car and went to see him, but not before leaving her a note....a note...I know right...unbelievable. I explained how things just happened and how I had been trying to figure out how to tell her for weeks, but didn't think she would accept it. I knew number one she'd be mad at me...of course she'd had first dibs. Well, the friend ended up giving me an ultimatum....it was either her or him?
Now looking back on this my decision was wrong, heck even then, I knew I should've kept him in my life...but what did I do, choose my friend over a guy. I'd known her longer. I just knew him for a semester. Besides, that's what is expected of you...at the end of the day, I should've said something to her about how I really felt and hoped she understood.
There was a small window of time when he still pursued me, I may have kissed him one last time, but we knew that I had chosen her over him. And instead of me going with my heart, I went with my head.
What's the point of the story? So when we meet people in life and love especially, that we know we want to keep in our lives forever, why don't we just say that...instead of doing silly stuff. We will hem and haw around the subject. We will wait for the perfect opportunity or moment to tell the person how we really feel. We will say to ourselves, it will all work or it won't work. And sometimes it does, but why don't we just say something? Most of the time the other person is just waiting on us to do so...
When we love we take risks. We could get hurt, be disappointed, or even left. But we would never know the outcome if we don't take the risk. (From CogitateonThis on Twitter)
Monday, June 7, 2010
Reverend Do "Wrong"...
So, my guest blogger, Miss Indecisive has inspired me to provide ya'll with a throwback situation that I experienced several years ago...when I was real pup...I think about 22...ok, so here goes:
When I graduated from college, I moved to Indiana and while there, I made some really close friends and made the most of my time there...during this time in my life, I was trying to enhance my spirituality, get more deep rooted into the Word, etc...so, like I'm doing here in Texas, I was church hopping, trying to find my place...so I found a place that I was ready to call home, I enjoyed the music ministry, the closeness of the congregation, and the pastor...now, this pastor was young (maybe 30ish)....newly married, no children...his wife appeared to be older than him, but she could've just been playing the "ole school" traditional first lady role...long skirts, un-stylish hair, etc....
The church wasn't very big, one of those where if you were new, everyone knew it, which I had no issue with, that was one of the things that attracted me to the church....so, one Sunday, I felt moved to join the church...so, I did so...I was really excited that I'd finally found a church home....the Wednesday after I joined the church, I get a personal call from the pastor...he asked me if I was coming to Bible Study...I found it a bit odd that the pastor called me personally, but I was thinkin, well maybe that's just how it is at this church...but, I couldn't help but ask the pastor if he called all his members to inquire about their Bible Study attendance...his reply was "only the new ones"...I'm like..ok, I can accept that....I informed him that I wouldn't be attending this particular week, but would make it the following week...
So, the next day I get another call from the Pastor...early in the morning....he wanted to tell me to have a blessed day...I'm finding this odd, but am a little naive at this stage in life....so, I'm not reading too much into this....next day comes (and maybe it wasn't the exact next day, but it was too frequent for my comfort)...I get another call...so this time, I actually hold a conversation with him, because I'm wondering what his agenda is...is he truly interested in enhancing my spirituality or is he looking for a side-piece...my thoughts, no, he's a pastor, a man of the cloth, he'd never....riiiigghht...
So this conversation revealed alot about him and his thoughts of me...I won't go into the exact details of the convo, mainly because I can't remember, but the jist of it was...he felt like I gave off a flirtatious vibe...which I do, although I didn't feel as though I did in this case...he said that I would look at him intensely as he preached...ummm...that was called paying attention, but whatever....and lastly, he asked if I wanted to be his mistress...WTH...did you really just ask me that pastor?!...at this point, I was intrigued, not because I had an interest in being his mistress, but because I'm wondering how a man of the cloth, who preaches against these types of behaviors ask me such a question...so, I politely asked him, how he could ask me something like that, as a pastor...his response, "I'm still a man"...I learn that before he was a pastor, he was a womanizer and only got married because it was unacceptable to be a single pastor....WOW...talk about my little 22yr old mind being blown...
So, I tell him that I'm not interested and to please never call me again..after this conversation, I found myself depressed, wondering what I'd done to be approached in this manner, had I led him to believe this was something I wanted and if so, how, what did I do...additionally, I stopped going to church..for several months, which was unlike me....I was confused, lost, and didn't understand this until I finally opened up about to my g-ma...who quickly informed me that this wasn't anything new, there was nothing that I did and that I was right to stop attending his church...
Now...I had friends in Indiana that inquired about my abrupt dis-interest this church..I did not share with them what happened, because I didn't want to discourage them from going...however, about 4 or 5 yrs later, I get a message from friend of mine who also attended that church with me...we'd both moved to new cities, but she asked me why I'd stopped attending..I went ahead and told her...and she said, "I knew it" and then went on to tell me that he'd gotten one of the members pregnant and it was a huge scandal in this little town....WOW....he continued on and finally got caught up...
I write this because after this happened, my male friends informed me that instances like this is one reason why men don't attend church...they feel like the men leading the church aren't true pillars of the Word and are more times than not discouraged due to these types of behaviors....do you find this to be true? I've heard this from several men actually...women, how would you have handled this situation?
Thoughts....
When I graduated from college, I moved to Indiana and while there, I made some really close friends and made the most of my time there...during this time in my life, I was trying to enhance my spirituality, get more deep rooted into the Word, etc...so, like I'm doing here in Texas, I was church hopping, trying to find my place...so I found a place that I was ready to call home, I enjoyed the music ministry, the closeness of the congregation, and the pastor...now, this pastor was young (maybe 30ish)....newly married, no children...his wife appeared to be older than him, but she could've just been playing the "ole school" traditional first lady role...long skirts, un-stylish hair, etc....
The church wasn't very big, one of those where if you were new, everyone knew it, which I had no issue with, that was one of the things that attracted me to the church....so, one Sunday, I felt moved to join the church...so, I did so...I was really excited that I'd finally found a church home....the Wednesday after I joined the church, I get a personal call from the pastor...he asked me if I was coming to Bible Study...I found it a bit odd that the pastor called me personally, but I was thinkin, well maybe that's just how it is at this church...but, I couldn't help but ask the pastor if he called all his members to inquire about their Bible Study attendance...his reply was "only the new ones"...I'm like..ok, I can accept that....I informed him that I wouldn't be attending this particular week, but would make it the following week...
So, the next day I get another call from the Pastor...early in the morning....he wanted to tell me to have a blessed day...I'm finding this odd, but am a little naive at this stage in life....so, I'm not reading too much into this....next day comes (and maybe it wasn't the exact next day, but it was too frequent for my comfort)...I get another call...so this time, I actually hold a conversation with him, because I'm wondering what his agenda is...is he truly interested in enhancing my spirituality or is he looking for a side-piece...my thoughts, no, he's a pastor, a man of the cloth, he'd never....riiiigghht...
So this conversation revealed alot about him and his thoughts of me...I won't go into the exact details of the convo, mainly because I can't remember, but the jist of it was...he felt like I gave off a flirtatious vibe...which I do, although I didn't feel as though I did in this case...he said that I would look at him intensely as he preached...ummm...that was called paying attention, but whatever....and lastly, he asked if I wanted to be his mistress...WTH...did you really just ask me that pastor?!...at this point, I was intrigued, not because I had an interest in being his mistress, but because I'm wondering how a man of the cloth, who preaches against these types of behaviors ask me such a question...so, I politely asked him, how he could ask me something like that, as a pastor...his response, "I'm still a man"...I learn that before he was a pastor, he was a womanizer and only got married because it was unacceptable to be a single pastor....WOW...talk about my little 22yr old mind being blown...
So, I tell him that I'm not interested and to please never call me again..after this conversation, I found myself depressed, wondering what I'd done to be approached in this manner, had I led him to believe this was something I wanted and if so, how, what did I do...additionally, I stopped going to church..for several months, which was unlike me....I was confused, lost, and didn't understand this until I finally opened up about to my g-ma...who quickly informed me that this wasn't anything new, there was nothing that I did and that I was right to stop attending his church...
Now...I had friends in Indiana that inquired about my abrupt dis-interest this church..I did not share with them what happened, because I didn't want to discourage them from going...however, about 4 or 5 yrs later, I get a message from friend of mine who also attended that church with me...we'd both moved to new cities, but she asked me why I'd stopped attending..I went ahead and told her...and she said, "I knew it" and then went on to tell me that he'd gotten one of the members pregnant and it was a huge scandal in this little town....WOW....he continued on and finally got caught up...
I write this because after this happened, my male friends informed me that instances like this is one reason why men don't attend church...they feel like the men leading the church aren't true pillars of the Word and are more times than not discouraged due to these types of behaviors....do you find this to be true? I've heard this from several men actually...women, how would you have handled this situation?
Thoughts....
Attractive, Established, and Wealthy…What's Wrong with Him?
Isn't it amazing how we think if a man or woman is successful and single that something is wrong with them...
So, I have been struggling with how I would kick off my entries for this blog, but last week, I had an experience that would definitely bring some interesting commentary from people. I was out with some friends at a happy hour, I call it HH. You will learn I have acronyms and nick names for almost everything! Anyway, we were at a happy hour when this attractive gentleman, probably in his late 30s/early 40s, joined my friend and I at our sitting area. The location of the HH has couches that face each other. So my guy friend (strictly platonic) and I are sitting on one couch and this guy comes up. My guy friend introduces me to the gentleman. HIs name is Marcus. Marcus sits down and tells me that it will likely take him a few times to remember my name because he isn't good at that….I am thinking what? I mean it's one thing to be honest, but another to be lazy or basically say you are not important enough for me to remember your name. I tell Marcus, wow, that's interesting. I am glad to know that you will not take .5% of your memory to remember my name during the course of our conversation. He laughs and says, no it's not that…then I say what is it…I continue to give him a hard time about his disinterest and decide, I don't know him to joke with him like that and decide to put the blade down. My friend tells Marcus that I like to call people out…I just say, better to do it to your face than behind your back
: )
So Marcus and I continue to banter back and forth. He tells me he is originally from the South and was in the military before working for the company he is currently employed by…I had other plans to go to this little NBA Finals kick off party, so I told Marcus, it was nice to meet him, but I had to go…He said well you should come back. I do have to admit that the dj at the HH was jamming and we were having a good conversation, but I had an early day the next day…like had to be at work at 5:45 early day. So I say, well, we shall see. By that time I was already a hour and a half late for the party and had just texted the host to say I would be there in 20 minutes. 45 minutes later, I made it to the party… I told Marcus, that I may get up with him after the Finals party….
Well, you know what happened….I ended up texting my guy friend and Marcus to see where they were ( oh you know I got the number, he was cute and we had good conversation, he speaks french too). They both replied, we are still at the same location, so I say okay, I am coming back. Once I return, I hear that Marcus composes symphonies….Hmm…You know I love the arts and people that are into them…i whatever capacity. Before I left, Marcus was telling me about the different kinds of wines he enjoys and ones I should try. I told him I don't care for too many reds, so he schooled me on a few of those. He says that he has been deployed a few times and was in the military for quite some time. Then he says has lived all over the world and is going to the Caribbean in a few weeks for two weeks… I say that's what's up. He goes on to say, he has a home there with a few acres. I say okay…the home is on an island in the British Virgin Islands. I say, attractive, intelligent, cultured, and wealthy, shoot… I might need to engage in some more conversation and I might need to go to the Caribbean real soon! lol
Well, by this time, a couple of hours have gone by, the place is about to close and my friends, along with Marcus are leaving. My friends go to their cars and Marcus and I stop at mine. Our conversation continues, he tells me it's a pleasure to meet me, he loves my smile, and my sprit and hopes to see me again. I say, well, we shall see. The longer we talk the closer he gets to me…I keep thinking, is he trying to get in for a kiss…surely not. I just met him, so I'm like negative, but as I suspected that was definitely his intention. We end the night and I get into my car, he immediately calls me and says, are you sure you have to go to sleep…by now it's after midnight. I say, oh yes I do and even if I didn't, you and I would have to wrap this convo up…well maybe not, he is attractive, wealthy, and established.
Well Marcus was only in the area for the weekend and I was going out of town for the weekend, so unfortunately we didn't have a whole lot of time to spend with each other. The next morning, Marcus text me and said good morning. Yep, typical…I am thinking…playa playa…We end up going to lunch with some other friends the same afternoon. We shared a few little smiles and short exchanges during lunch, then he ask what I am doing afterwards. I say working from home and then going out of town. He says he wants to see me before I leave, I say we might can make that happen. Of course, we do. We end up having a smoothie and he says, you can ask me any question you want to ask me, but know I will be open and honest. I am thinking, red flag…he has some skeletons. So I start with the general questions, do you have kids? He says, yes, three- ages 8, 10, and 12, but my 8 year old lives in another state. I say, are you married? But thinking to myself, if he was, then surely he wouldn't be engaging in conversation with me. He says, yes. Hmm, the red flag I was talking about…there it was. I said, how long? He said 12 years. I say, hold on, you have a 8 year old that lives in another state. He says, yes, I had a friend when I was stationed somewhere else and unfortunately we got too close and had a child. I said, interesting. He just looked…I am thinking to myself unbelievable. Now I didn't think he was going to the Caribbean by himself, but his actions did not show he was married. This time, he tells me to ask more questions, I say, I don't know that I have anymore. Because for me at this point, I no longer have an interest in him… I tell him that it is so unfortunate that we met and that his behavior is questionable. He says, well the fact that I am married, does that change things? I am looking at him like…duh it does. He says, well we hit it off, we have a definite chemistry, and attraction. I say, all true, but my moral compass will not allow me to have any other interaction with you. I just could not believe it…not that married men have not approached me, but this one was different. He did not give off the normal signals…He then says, his wife's family owns several properties in the British Virgin Islands, it's a business of theirs…she's actually from the Caribbean…I say interesting…and then ask him, Where's your moral compass? He says, I just met someone who I instantly was attracted to both physically and intellectually..SMH! So readers I ask you, where is your moral compass?
We all have things that we do that are not right, sometimes unintentionally, but most times we know. We all, hopefully we all, have a core value system. Our values may be different, but some things are just wrong. What would you have said or done in this situation? For me, I have to ask more questions, forget if the person thinks you are being too forward or nosey…I could've ended up being the other woman or one of many. What you think about that?
Introducing - - - - Miss Indecisive - - - -Another Guest Blogger...
So...I'm happy to introduce, yet another opinionist to this forum....her name is Miss Indecisive...she will offer us entertainment based on her life experiences, thoughts, etc...like myself and Mr. Negativity, she will say whatever she feels, when she feels, how she feels...my intro for her is a little late, but she tells you about herself in her post...
Introducing...Miss Indecisive... (clap, clap, clap)!
Introducing...Miss Indecisive... (clap, clap, clap)!
Hello World...It's Me....
Hi There Gang! I am extra excited about the opportunity to join the writing staff of this open and honest blog about life. My name is Miss Indecisive. Like some people out there, I struggle with making some of life's most important decisions and even those not that important, like which earring will I wear with a sundress. This generally comes in to play when dealing with men.
I live in a big little area in Arkansas and am between the age of 25 and 35. You do the math. I am open to a lot of things and usually don't have a hard time making friends or meeting people of the opposite sex. Which for some people, especially in our area, is difficult. I will discuss that at a later time. I like to have fun, listen to music, sing, dance, and travel. If you want to get the party started or the conversation started, call me.
I told the creator of this blog, I will share past and present experiences about my life and my inability at times to make a decision. Why am I indecisive? You tell me. I have a general idea. There are lots of choices out there and I don't want to make the wrong one. If you had to choose between a Honda Accord, brand new, fully loaded or a used Lexus with low miles, what would you choose? Some of you might automatically say the Honda, but both of them would be good choices. These are the dilemmas I face frequently. I hope you enjoy my entries, and please give a sista some feedback! This is for your entertainment purposes only…
Three's Company?
Good Monday gang! Hope all is well with you and yours. Today's post is brought to you by the number 3 and the letter A...as in 3 ASSES up in the bed.
So of course I gotta bring you some hijinx from another couple friend of mine. Duane and Debra have been together for a few years now. Actually, I used to talk to Debra back in the day. Nothing serious ever came of it, but we remained mad cool all these years. Debra met Duane and seeing as he is a very connected professional here in my city, she introduced us. We hit it off and so we hang out for drinks from time to time. The other day we are out watching the game and drinking when Duane asks me if I'm into white chicks. Random question, but still didn't see anything wrong with the convo yet. He begins to tell me this story of some white woman he works with that is really wild and into all kinds of sexual things. Of course I had to ask how he knew all these details about her likes and dislikes. That is when he tells me that he and Debra had done a threesome with her in the recent past.
Now imagine my face...not only you sitting here telling me a CRAZY story (details will be omitted for the sake of decency) but then you give me a visual of you and Debra, whom I know. Duane, sensing my shock I guess, turns the convo into threesome talk. Come to find out, it is something Duane and Debra do routinely. Well, I don't want to make them sounds like freaks, but they do it from time to time. Duane said it is mostly when they travel away from home and it is ALWAYS someone that they both agree to invite to the bed. Again, because I know these two folks, I am in shock. They are the last people I would peg as habitual threesome participants...but then again, you never know.
My best friend and I have these theory that the more professional you are, the freakier you tend to be. I mean, the regular hood rat or street thug may do some filthy things, but if you really want to be turned out head to the nearest doctor or lawyer you know...I'm just saying.
No real question here today folks, just wanted to share an interesting story and get your take on threesomes. Yay or Nay? What about the theory that professionals make the biggest freaks?What say you?
P.S. The names of the people in my life are changed to protect the innocent..lol
P.S.S. Guess I shoulda stayed with Debra huh...lol
So of course I gotta bring you some hijinx from another couple friend of mine. Duane and Debra have been together for a few years now. Actually, I used to talk to Debra back in the day. Nothing serious ever came of it, but we remained mad cool all these years. Debra met Duane and seeing as he is a very connected professional here in my city, she introduced us. We hit it off and so we hang out for drinks from time to time. The other day we are out watching the game and drinking when Duane asks me if I'm into white chicks. Random question, but still didn't see anything wrong with the convo yet. He begins to tell me this story of some white woman he works with that is really wild and into all kinds of sexual things. Of course I had to ask how he knew all these details about her likes and dislikes. That is when he tells me that he and Debra had done a threesome with her in the recent past.
Now imagine my face...not only you sitting here telling me a CRAZY story (details will be omitted for the sake of decency) but then you give me a visual of you and Debra, whom I know. Duane, sensing my shock I guess, turns the convo into threesome talk. Come to find out, it is something Duane and Debra do routinely. Well, I don't want to make them sounds like freaks, but they do it from time to time. Duane said it is mostly when they travel away from home and it is ALWAYS someone that they both agree to invite to the bed. Again, because I know these two folks, I am in shock. They are the last people I would peg as habitual threesome participants...but then again, you never know.
My best friend and I have these theory that the more professional you are, the freakier you tend to be. I mean, the regular hood rat or street thug may do some filthy things, but if you really want to be turned out head to the nearest doctor or lawyer you know...I'm just saying.
No real question here today folks, just wanted to share an interesting story and get your take on threesomes. Yay or Nay? What about the theory that professionals make the biggest freaks?What say you?
P.S. The names of the people in my life are changed to protect the innocent..lol
P.S.S. Guess I shoulda stayed with Debra huh...lol
Thursday, June 3, 2010
Where Is The Love (as sung by Roberta Flack)
"Where is the love...you said was mine all mine...'til the end of time...was it all lie?"
So, I return home from a GREAT vacation to hear that former Vice President Al Gore and his wife Tipper Gore are seperating after 40 years of marriage. Damn, after 40 years you go and call it quits? What really happened there to make one walk away after 40 years of marriage. You might as well stick it out now. At best, the best years of their life are behind them now so why spend it alone. It is hard enough out here dating at 30, so I can't imagine being a senior citizen and trying to meet folks to get my swerve on.
The story made me wonder what commitment really is. I have been to countless weddings and have sat through couple after couple recite vows about 'better and for worse' and 'til death do us part.' Neither Al nor Tipper look dead, so what gives? What would your spouse have to do after 40 years for you to call it quits?
What say you?
So, I return home from a GREAT vacation to hear that former Vice President Al Gore and his wife Tipper Gore are seperating after 40 years of marriage. Damn, after 40 years you go and call it quits? What really happened there to make one walk away after 40 years of marriage. You might as well stick it out now. At best, the best years of their life are behind them now so why spend it alone. It is hard enough out here dating at 30, so I can't imagine being a senior citizen and trying to meet folks to get my swerve on.
The story made me wonder what commitment really is. I have been to countless weddings and have sat through couple after couple recite vows about 'better and for worse' and 'til death do us part.' Neither Al nor Tipper look dead, so what gives? What would your spouse have to do after 40 years for you to call it quits?
What say you?
Wednesday, June 2, 2010
Friend or Not a Friend, That is the Question....
So, I'm a little pissy about something and I'd like to get it off my chest, as well as get feedback on how I should move forward....ready...OK...
I celebrate my birthday for the whole month...lol...that's just how I roll...anywho, one of my birthday celebration weekends was with a close "friend" of mine. We made all these plans to go out to eat, hit the town, shake our tail feathers, etc....additionally, we decided to do it in her city...she lives in a cool place, like myself...lol...so I work all week, anticipating this b-day celebration with my "friend"...that Friday I'm relieved that the week was over...I'd had several difficult conversations that week, both personally and professionally, so I was ready to kick it with with my girl...so, I drive to her city with my hype playlist on...lol...
I get there Friday and all was well with the world, my issue arrives on Saturday....Saturday we'd plan to hit this new spot that I'd heard so much about....all the young professionals were hyping this place up, so I'm thinkin, this is the perfect place to have my b-day celebration....at some point in the evening, my friend disappears to handle some "bi-ness", I didn't ask a bunch of questions because hey, she's grown and she knows our plan for the evening...the night progresses and she's still gone, so I go ahead and hit the spot solo, expecting her to come behind not long after...when I get there, I see some folks that I know from school, so I started catching up with them...looked up and realized it was damn near midnight...so I check my phone and I'd gotten a text sayin, "I'm on my way"...so I continue drinking and choppin it up with my old college homies...the dj is jammin, so I hop on the dance floor, Stanky Leg, Halle Berry, Dougie, and Flex...LOL....at this point, it's about 1ish and my "friend" is still a no show...so, I'm like damn, where is she...anyone that know me, knows that I'm a worry wart, so, I immediately think something has happened to her..so I go outside to give her a call and realize she'd sent me another message sayin she wasn't coming...so, I'm a little agged at this point because not only did I come up here to see yo ass, it's my damn b-day celebration...
So, after the club, I head back to her crib and when I get there, she's not there...so, tired and drunk, I go to sleep..."it's morning and we've slept the night away"...lol...here she comes draggin in when the sun is out as if nothing happened...I have a MAJOR attitude about this whole little situation...she can sense the tude and goes on to explain that she was hangin out with some dude...she mentions his name and I'm like wait, isn't this the dude that been playin games with you and being shady....she like yea (women can be so stupid)...so, at that point I'm EXTRA pissy...I pack my ish and head back home...the entire way, I'm fuming about the situation...
So, I pose these questions to you, how do I handle this "friend"? Do I tell her how I feel and how it made me feel for her to put me down after I drove to see HER, for some dude?! What does that say about our "friendship"?!
Thoughts?!!?!....
I celebrate my birthday for the whole month...lol...that's just how I roll...anywho, one of my birthday celebration weekends was with a close "friend" of mine. We made all these plans to go out to eat, hit the town, shake our tail feathers, etc....additionally, we decided to do it in her city...she lives in a cool place, like myself...lol...so I work all week, anticipating this b-day celebration with my "friend"...that Friday I'm relieved that the week was over...I'd had several difficult conversations that week, both personally and professionally, so I was ready to kick it with with my girl...so, I drive to her city with my hype playlist on...lol...
I get there Friday and all was well with the world, my issue arrives on Saturday....Saturday we'd plan to hit this new spot that I'd heard so much about....all the young professionals were hyping this place up, so I'm thinkin, this is the perfect place to have my b-day celebration....at some point in the evening, my friend disappears to handle some "bi-ness", I didn't ask a bunch of questions because hey, she's grown and she knows our plan for the evening...the night progresses and she's still gone, so I go ahead and hit the spot solo, expecting her to come behind not long after...when I get there, I see some folks that I know from school, so I started catching up with them...looked up and realized it was damn near midnight...so I check my phone and I'd gotten a text sayin, "I'm on my way"...so I continue drinking and choppin it up with my old college homies...the dj is jammin, so I hop on the dance floor, Stanky Leg, Halle Berry, Dougie, and Flex...LOL....at this point, it's about 1ish and my "friend" is still a no show...so, I'm like damn, where is she...anyone that know me, knows that I'm a worry wart, so, I immediately think something has happened to her..so I go outside to give her a call and realize she'd sent me another message sayin she wasn't coming...so, I'm a little agged at this point because not only did I come up here to see yo ass, it's my damn b-day celebration...
So, after the club, I head back to her crib and when I get there, she's not there...so, tired and drunk, I go to sleep..."it's morning and we've slept the night away"...lol...here she comes draggin in when the sun is out as if nothing happened...I have a MAJOR attitude about this whole little situation...she can sense the tude and goes on to explain that she was hangin out with some dude...she mentions his name and I'm like wait, isn't this the dude that been playin games with you and being shady....she like yea (women can be so stupid)...so, at that point I'm EXTRA pissy...I pack my ish and head back home...the entire way, I'm fuming about the situation...
So, I pose these questions to you, how do I handle this "friend"? Do I tell her how I feel and how it made me feel for her to put me down after I drove to see HER, for some dude?! What does that say about our "friendship"?!
Thoughts?!!?!....
Monday, May 31, 2010
Memorial Day Weekend & The New Men....
First let me say: HAPPY MEMORIAL DAY to you!...so, I am here in Dallas and it's POPPIN this weekend...naturally, I picked up some more material...in this entry, I will introduce each of them and if there are more details to follow, I will write separately...ok, here we go:
Morris
So, I met Morris while out a restaurant with my friends. we made eyes for a bit and then I realized that he was sitting with someone I knew. So, I get up to hug the person I know and casually said "oh, who is this"...lol...shortly after the introduction, Morris makes his way over to sit with me and my friends. Morris' stats: 30, no kids, only child between both parents (he has some step siblings), educator by day - promoter by night (skeptical about that), from Michigan, has a motorcycle, chocolaty brown, nice build, maybe 6'3ish...now, Morris is one of those cats that I WANT to call me....lol...so, we'll see...also in the midst of the conversation, I learn that he works out in MY fitness facility everyday after work because he used to live here, I was like..hmm..I've neva seen you around these parts, guess I need to take my ass to that facility more regularly around 5ish Mon-Fri...LOL...hopefully there will be more to come on him!
Rodney
I met Rodney for the 2nd time at an event on Saturday...the first time we met, I was unable to find out any information about him, but this time, he was interested in chatting with me....Rodney's stats: 36 yrs old, separated (ugh, it's going around), father of 3 (ugh, that's going around too, shit), 6'5ish, caramel colored, H.S. BB coach (head coach), played ball in college...Rodney seems like a nice guy, but I was immediately turned off from any romantic interest with the wife and 3 kids...remember Justin (*sigh)....anyway, Rodney ends up coming to the spot that my friends and I are at on Sat night, which was cool...but wait, he then shows up to where I am Sunday...I'm like, what are you doing here, he says, you told me you were gonna be here...ummm...is that an invite though?!?!...idk, I guess it could be seen that way...anywho, I sat with him for just a second and then said I had to go...Rodney didn't even have an eighth of the impact on me like Justin did...why, umm...he just doesn't have "IT"..or maybe I'm just wore out from hearing about wives and children, idk....lol...either way it makes it to where I have no issue with being cool with him, I'm just wondering at what point I'll have to tell him that I have no romantic interest..hmm...may be more to come on that too....
Malcolm
I met Malcolm at this same event...lol...at a different time of course (I'm no dummy)...Malcolm's attire peaked my interest...he was wearing a plaid shirt, army fatigue shorts, mandals (I love them, btw) and some of those big-framed glasses....he had an Andre 3000 feel to him and I was feelin that whole vibe...it was different....Malcolm was there with a friend, as was I...my friend was interested in meeting his friend, so, I set it up to where we ended up playing spades with them..during the game, we all exchange information...they all pull out their bi-ness cards and Malcolm says to me, "well how are we supposed to get in touch with you"..lol..so, I do it the old school way and just put my info in his phone and then his friend handed me his phone to do the same..is that strange?!?!..maybe not..anwyay, Malcolm's stats: 35 yr old design engineer by day, comedian at night...and that's as far as I got....so, Malcolm calls me yesterday afternoon inquiring about my plans for the evening, I tell him what I had planned (which I'm glad he didn't show up...I'll have to work on that)....and he told me to hit him up later, which I did, but never heard back from him...so, I'm not sure where we are with Malcolm...there may be more to come on him too...
Tim
Lastly we have Tim....I met time at the end of the same event...you can imagine I was wore out at this point...anywho...Tim just moved here, he claims to be 31, but I believe in my heart he's 21...lol..he has 2 children, 2 baby momma's and umm....that's all on him...no more to come...LOL!
SN: Everyone here has a bi-ness card, now, I too have a bi-ness card, but it has all my work information on it..I don't want these fools reaching out to me on my work email and cell....everytime I go somewhere, someone is asking me for a card, so I've decided to create myself a bi-ness card...it will read:
Name
Socialite
Cell/Email
It will also have a graphic of some sort (I'm thinkin a martini glass) and will have somethin that reads: fun.food.fellowship...I'm still working on the details...thoughts?!!?!
Morris
So, I met Morris while out a restaurant with my friends. we made eyes for a bit and then I realized that he was sitting with someone I knew. So, I get up to hug the person I know and casually said "oh, who is this"...lol...shortly after the introduction, Morris makes his way over to sit with me and my friends. Morris' stats: 30, no kids, only child between both parents (he has some step siblings), educator by day - promoter by night (skeptical about that), from Michigan, has a motorcycle, chocolaty brown, nice build, maybe 6'3ish...now, Morris is one of those cats that I WANT to call me....lol...so, we'll see...also in the midst of the conversation, I learn that he works out in MY fitness facility everyday after work because he used to live here, I was like..hmm..I've neva seen you around these parts, guess I need to take my ass to that facility more regularly around 5ish Mon-Fri...LOL...hopefully there will be more to come on him!
Rodney
I met Rodney for the 2nd time at an event on Saturday...the first time we met, I was unable to find out any information about him, but this time, he was interested in chatting with me....Rodney's stats: 36 yrs old, separated (ugh, it's going around), father of 3 (ugh, that's going around too, shit), 6'5ish, caramel colored, H.S. BB coach (head coach), played ball in college...Rodney seems like a nice guy, but I was immediately turned off from any romantic interest with the wife and 3 kids...remember Justin (*sigh)....anyway, Rodney ends up coming to the spot that my friends and I are at on Sat night, which was cool...but wait, he then shows up to where I am Sunday...I'm like, what are you doing here, he says, you told me you were gonna be here...ummm...is that an invite though?!?!...idk, I guess it could be seen that way...anywho, I sat with him for just a second and then said I had to go...Rodney didn't even have an eighth of the impact on me like Justin did...why, umm...he just doesn't have "IT"..or maybe I'm just wore out from hearing about wives and children, idk....lol...either way it makes it to where I have no issue with being cool with him, I'm just wondering at what point I'll have to tell him that I have no romantic interest..hmm...may be more to come on that too....
Malcolm
I met Malcolm at this same event...lol...at a different time of course (I'm no dummy)...Malcolm's attire peaked my interest...he was wearing a plaid shirt, army fatigue shorts, mandals (I love them, btw) and some of those big-framed glasses....he had an Andre 3000 feel to him and I was feelin that whole vibe...it was different....Malcolm was there with a friend, as was I...my friend was interested in meeting his friend, so, I set it up to where we ended up playing spades with them..during the game, we all exchange information...they all pull out their bi-ness cards and Malcolm says to me, "well how are we supposed to get in touch with you"..lol..so, I do it the old school way and just put my info in his phone and then his friend handed me his phone to do the same..is that strange?!?!..maybe not..anwyay, Malcolm's stats: 35 yr old design engineer by day, comedian at night...and that's as far as I got....so, Malcolm calls me yesterday afternoon inquiring about my plans for the evening, I tell him what I had planned (which I'm glad he didn't show up...I'll have to work on that)....and he told me to hit him up later, which I did, but never heard back from him...so, I'm not sure where we are with Malcolm...there may be more to come on him too...
Tim
Lastly we have Tim....I met time at the end of the same event...you can imagine I was wore out at this point...anywho...Tim just moved here, he claims to be 31, but I believe in my heart he's 21...lol..he has 2 children, 2 baby momma's and umm....that's all on him...no more to come...LOL!
SN: Everyone here has a bi-ness card, now, I too have a bi-ness card, but it has all my work information on it..I don't want these fools reaching out to me on my work email and cell....everytime I go somewhere, someone is asking me for a card, so I've decided to create myself a bi-ness card...it will read:
Name
Socialite
Cell/Email
It will also have a graphic of some sort (I'm thinkin a martini glass) and will have somethin that reads: fun.food.fellowship...I'm still working on the details...thoughts?!!?!
CONTROL (as sung by Janet Jackson)
"When I was seventeen I did what people told me..did what my father said, and let my mother mold me...."
So, while here on vacation I had dinner with a friend of mine, Craig, and his new girlfriend Sheila. I have known Craig for years. He is what you would call an over achiever and has done really well for himself and he is only in his 30s. While I had never met Sheila personally, I have heard all great things about her. Meeting her, I must admit that all the things I heard were true: she's a warm, smart, beautiful sister and I thoroughly enjoyed her presence. One thing that stood out, that no one has ever mentioned by the way, is that Sheila is YOUNG. I mean I know we are not that old ourselves (Thirty is the new twenty, right Jay?), but she is like 18/19 years old young (I was afraid to have her identify her age, plus the drinking age her is 18 so I couldn't rightfully snatch that rum punch from her).
When Craig asked me what I thought of Sheila, I told him that she seemed really nice and really young. Not that there is something wrong with that, just was not expecting that from him. If anything I would have thought he would be with someone older. A little backstory, I met Craig through my mentor and Craig is friends with older established folks. My mentor and his wife are older so I assumed that Craig would date older. Then Craig gave me inspiration for this blog entry......
Craig told me that what attracts him most to Sheila is that fact that she is young and unestablished. He likes the CONTROL it gives him. In fact, she let it slip during dinner that she just moved into his place. When I joked with him about that, he again said it is all about CONTROL. When not working at Marshall's, she basically caters to him at the house. Does what she is told and stays in her place I suppose. Now I'm all for sexy talk, and in the heat of passion may even like to here the phrase 'DADDY,' but do I really want to play the fatherly role with you?
While Sheila is beautiful, I begin to feel a little sad for her. She is in the prime of her life and yet, whether she knows it or not, she is being CONTROLLED by her relationship. Sidebar, Craig is doing well and takes very good care of home (i.e. she is here in Virgin Islands with him..expenses paid), but is that enough to sustain a relationship?
Should relationships be about CONTROL or should it be a partnership? Can one person have the upper hand and the relationship work? What say you?
P.S. Happy Memorial Day...i am back on Wednesday with more regular check-ins of the board!
So, while here on vacation I had dinner with a friend of mine, Craig, and his new girlfriend Sheila. I have known Craig for years. He is what you would call an over achiever and has done really well for himself and he is only in his 30s. While I had never met Sheila personally, I have heard all great things about her. Meeting her, I must admit that all the things I heard were true: she's a warm, smart, beautiful sister and I thoroughly enjoyed her presence. One thing that stood out, that no one has ever mentioned by the way, is that Sheila is YOUNG. I mean I know we are not that old ourselves (Thirty is the new twenty, right Jay?), but she is like 18/19 years old young (I was afraid to have her identify her age, plus the drinking age her is 18 so I couldn't rightfully snatch that rum punch from her).
When Craig asked me what I thought of Sheila, I told him that she seemed really nice and really young. Not that there is something wrong with that, just was not expecting that from him. If anything I would have thought he would be with someone older. A little backstory, I met Craig through my mentor and Craig is friends with older established folks. My mentor and his wife are older so I assumed that Craig would date older. Then Craig gave me inspiration for this blog entry......
Craig told me that what attracts him most to Sheila is that fact that she is young and unestablished. He likes the CONTROL it gives him. In fact, she let it slip during dinner that she just moved into his place. When I joked with him about that, he again said it is all about CONTROL. When not working at Marshall's, she basically caters to him at the house. Does what she is told and stays in her place I suppose. Now I'm all for sexy talk, and in the heat of passion may even like to here the phrase 'DADDY,' but do I really want to play the fatherly role with you?
While Sheila is beautiful, I begin to feel a little sad for her. She is in the prime of her life and yet, whether she knows it or not, she is being CONTROLLED by her relationship. Sidebar, Craig is doing well and takes very good care of home (i.e. she is here in Virgin Islands with him..expenses paid), but is that enough to sustain a relationship?
Should relationships be about CONTROL or should it be a partnership? Can one person have the upper hand and the relationship work? What say you?
P.S. Happy Memorial Day...i am back on Wednesday with more regular check-ins of the board!
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Perils in Paradise
Good Saturday! Sorry for the absence the past few days, but I bring you greetings from the lovely island of St. Thomas. I am posting this while sitting on the beach, drink in hand (not bragging, just setting the scene...Lol). Hope everyone is doing well.
So, I arrived here and it immediately started raining. It rained the entire first day here. Yesterday, I went drinking in my favorite sunglasses and awoke to find them missing. This
morning my cell phone died...like completely shut down. What is supposed to be a relaxing vacation is turning into a mini-nightmare.
I will return next week, hopefully with some interesting entries for this blog. My eyes are always open for foolishness. Enjoy the holiday weekend!
P.S. I must offer my condolences to actor Gary Coleman who died on yesterday at age 42. You will be missed little man. Just be sure to tell Micheal Jackson that you are not a child.
So, I arrived here and it immediately started raining. It rained the entire first day here. Yesterday, I went drinking in my favorite sunglasses and awoke to find them missing. This
morning my cell phone died...like completely shut down. What is supposed to be a relaxing vacation is turning into a mini-nightmare.I will return next week, hopefully with some interesting entries for this blog. My eyes are always open for foolishness. Enjoy the holiday weekend!
P.S. I must offer my condolences to actor Gary Coleman who died on yesterday at age 42. You will be missed little man. Just be sure to tell Micheal Jackson that you are not a child.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
So You Choose...Now What?!?!....
At some point in life we all choose who we think our mate should be...but when that day comes, we may or may not be able to act on it for several reasons: they're involved, you haven't expressed your feelings, they're your best friend, etc....but, we've mentally decided that is the person we want to be our life partner...so how do you handle that...let's look at a couple scenarios:
The Best Friend
You've been friends for years, you know exactly how each other functions, how you think, you love being in their presence and you know EVERYTHING about one another...that's good and bad right..yep, it is...so you reach a point in your life when you've had several serious relationships and a couple of flings....lol...but no one compares to how you feel when you're with this person. This person is the standard for what you'd want in a life partner, so what do you do? How do you handle it? Do you take a risk and let them know your innermost feelings about them or do you just let 'what's meant to be, be'?
My thoughts on this are to go for it...why, you ask, why would I condone risking the friendship?...it's simple...if you are truly friends and are at a certain maturity level, you should be able to A) have an adult conversation about it (they may feel the same) and B) give it a shot...your bond should be strong enough to bounce back if it doesn't work out...the other piece is this, because this is a BEST friend, neither parties would enter into it haphazardly, i.e., knowing that they're not ready for that type of commitment....just my thoughts...
Un-Resolved Ex Feelings
So, you were in a relationship with this person for years, it had it's up and downs, maybe more downs than ups...you eventually got to a point where you decided it wasn't going to work...so, you move on...at that time, you have no regrets, it's the best thing that ever happened to you, they gon miss you when you gone, etc...lol...as the years go on, you do your thing they do theirs....you reconnect after a couple of years (for whatever purpose) and all of sudden realize, wait, I think I'm still in love with this person....you try to fight those feelings because after all, an ex is an ex for reason...maybe, maybe not....maybe they were an ex to help you realize where your true happiness lies or maybe they are just that, an ex....but what if it's not the latter...are you too prideful to admit that is who you want to be your life partner...maybe because you're the one that flexed your muscles in the end....who knows....the question is, how do you handle it? Do you put yourself out there and risk rejection?...no one likes that right...do you make yourself vulnerable for someone who you told to go to hell in gasoline draws?!?!...lol...
My thoughts on this...the above is purely a pride thing...if you put your feelings out there and they are not reciprocated, keep it movin...you've spoke your piece and you'll sleep easier...if you hold it in because you're scared, you may have real regrets 5yrs down the line...now, what about if you express your feelings and they express theirs and you're on the same page...win-win right....a good friend of mine told me that sometimes you have to deal with a little pain to ultimately have pleasure...the pleasure may not be getting the person, it may be that you've released those feelings and while they weren't reciprocated, you truly have no regrets, which can help minimize baggage in a new relationship...again, just my thoughts...
So, the question remains, what are you willing to do for love? Is your pride more important than your overall happiness? Would you risk that friendship to escalate it to a life partnership??
As Mr. Negativity would say...what say you?!
The Best Friend
You've been friends for years, you know exactly how each other functions, how you think, you love being in their presence and you know EVERYTHING about one another...that's good and bad right..yep, it is...so you reach a point in your life when you've had several serious relationships and a couple of flings....lol...but no one compares to how you feel when you're with this person. This person is the standard for what you'd want in a life partner, so what do you do? How do you handle it? Do you take a risk and let them know your innermost feelings about them or do you just let 'what's meant to be, be'?
My thoughts on this are to go for it...why, you ask, why would I condone risking the friendship?...it's simple...if you are truly friends and are at a certain maturity level, you should be able to A) have an adult conversation about it (they may feel the same) and B) give it a shot...your bond should be strong enough to bounce back if it doesn't work out...the other piece is this, because this is a BEST friend, neither parties would enter into it haphazardly, i.e., knowing that they're not ready for that type of commitment....just my thoughts...
Un-Resolved Ex Feelings
So, you were in a relationship with this person for years, it had it's up and downs, maybe more downs than ups...you eventually got to a point where you decided it wasn't going to work...so, you move on...at that time, you have no regrets, it's the best thing that ever happened to you, they gon miss you when you gone, etc...lol...as the years go on, you do your thing they do theirs....you reconnect after a couple of years (for whatever purpose) and all of sudden realize, wait, I think I'm still in love with this person....you try to fight those feelings because after all, an ex is an ex for reason...maybe, maybe not....maybe they were an ex to help you realize where your true happiness lies or maybe they are just that, an ex....but what if it's not the latter...are you too prideful to admit that is who you want to be your life partner...maybe because you're the one that flexed your muscles in the end....who knows....the question is, how do you handle it? Do you put yourself out there and risk rejection?...no one likes that right...do you make yourself vulnerable for someone who you told to go to hell in gasoline draws?!?!...lol...
My thoughts on this...the above is purely a pride thing...if you put your feelings out there and they are not reciprocated, keep it movin...you've spoke your piece and you'll sleep easier...if you hold it in because you're scared, you may have real regrets 5yrs down the line...now, what about if you express your feelings and they express theirs and you're on the same page...win-win right....a good friend of mine told me that sometimes you have to deal with a little pain to ultimately have pleasure...the pleasure may not be getting the person, it may be that you've released those feelings and while they weren't reciprocated, you truly have no regrets, which can help minimize baggage in a new relationship...again, just my thoughts...
So, the question remains, what are you willing to do for love? Is your pride more important than your overall happiness? Would you risk that friendship to escalate it to a life partnership??
As Mr. Negativity would say...what say you?!
Tuesday, May 25, 2010
Happy To Be Here...Eager To Offend
Wow! What an introduction. Let me start off by thanking the beautiful and talented creator of this blog, Omniscient. I appreciate her willingness to reach out and I hope I live up to her expectations here.
I am a 30-something, single professional male residing in ATL. Trust me when I tell you, it is not all it is cracked up to be. I make the most of it and I enjoy what I do. I hope to share more about me and my life (dating, partying, travels,etc.) as the journey continues. My goal as guest blogger is to put out what I think are interesting discussions and hopefully piss some people off. I mean really, a good blog needs some controversy...right?
So, with that being said...let's get to it!
According to TMZ, rapper Nas and singer Kelis are now officially divorced (that's right fellas, she can now be BOSSY with you too...for the right price)! At the divorce hearing, the judge ordered Nas to immediately dish out $47,249.42 in back child support and $40,454 in back spousal support. The judge also ordered him to pay $10K a month in spousal support until he pays off almost $300K he owes Kelis in back shild/spousal support. Nas also has to pay 90% of her legal fees in the amount of $155,787.28 and $48,549.83 to cover Kelis' acoounting expenses.
In the words of my girl Necole B., "I don't have to pull out my calculator to see that $47,249.42 + $40,454 + $300,000 + $155,787.28 + $48,549.83 = A LOT OF DAMN MONEY!!"
Now, I am all about taking care of the kids...I mean, that's your seed so you have to provide for his/her future. But DAMN, spousal support?!? It is not like Kelis does not have a job or a skill set...she is a talented, able bodied musician herself. Does she really need that much money in spousal support? I know her MILKSHAKE brings all the boys to the yard, but damn, for that price I'll stick to the strawberry/kiwi slushies at Sonics.
Brothers, watch out for this new attack. Not only do you have to 'wrap it up,' but you better make sure that she is degreed and working in her field with her OWN money....or at least have an iron-clad PRE-NUP. Guess who's singing I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW today?
What say you? How much money is too much?
I am a 30-something, single professional male residing in ATL. Trust me when I tell you, it is not all it is cracked up to be. I make the most of it and I enjoy what I do. I hope to share more about me and my life (dating, partying, travels,etc.) as the journey continues. My goal as guest blogger is to put out what I think are interesting discussions and hopefully piss some people off. I mean really, a good blog needs some controversy...right?
So, with that being said...let's get to it!
According to TMZ, rapper Nas and singer Kelis are now officially divorced (that's right fellas, she can now be BOSSY with you too...for the right price)! At the divorce hearing, the judge ordered Nas to immediately dish out $47,249.42 in back child support and $40,454 in back spousal support. The judge also ordered him to pay $10K a month in spousal support until he pays off almost $300K he owes Kelis in back shild/spousal support. Nas also has to pay 90% of her legal fees in the amount of $155,787.28 and $48,549.83 to cover Kelis' acoounting expenses.
In the words of my girl Necole B., "I don't have to pull out my calculator to see that $47,249.42 + $40,454 + $300,000 + $155,787.28 + $48,549.83 = A LOT OF DAMN MONEY!!"
Now, I am all about taking care of the kids...I mean, that's your seed so you have to provide for his/her future. But DAMN, spousal support?!? It is not like Kelis does not have a job or a skill set...she is a talented, able bodied musician herself. Does she really need that much money in spousal support? I know her MILKSHAKE brings all the boys to the yard, but damn, for that price I'll stick to the strawberry/kiwi slushies at Sonics.
Brothers, watch out for this new attack. Not only do you have to 'wrap it up,' but you better make sure that she is degreed and working in her field with her OWN money....or at least have an iron-clad PRE-NUP. Guess who's singing I HATE YOU SO MUCH RIGHT NOW today?
What say you? How much money is too much?
Introducing - - - - Mr. Negativity - - - - My Guest Blogger...
So, I've been getting crucified for not providing daily posts for my readers...the truth is, after Antowne, I had nothing left (hence me saying, and then there were none)...I will still continue to post when something entertaining happens....anywho, I've decided to make this more interesting by adding a male friend of mine as a guest blogger...his name is Mr. Negativity...
Mr. Negativity will write about whatever his heart desires...I can see us having some GREAT gender debates...like myself, Mr. Negativity will keep it REAL, he will give his honest opinion on whatever topic he blogs about or comments on, so again I say, this blog is not for sensitive folks...
I thought that this would add an interesting dynamic to the blog and keep my readers intrigued...I believe he will post his first blog tonight...
Introducing....Mr. Negativity! (clap, clap, clap)
Mr. Negativity will write about whatever his heart desires...I can see us having some GREAT gender debates...like myself, Mr. Negativity will keep it REAL, he will give his honest opinion on whatever topic he blogs about or comments on, so again I say, this blog is not for sensitive folks...
I thought that this would add an interesting dynamic to the blog and keep my readers intrigued...I believe he will post his first blog tonight...
Introducing....Mr. Negativity! (clap, clap, clap)
Monday, May 24, 2010
The Weight Factor...Should It Matter??!!...
So this is the first entry that is not about me...which excites me, because I give out a lot of advice, but who am I?!?!?!...if you are offended by this post, please refer to my welcome! :-)
A friend of mine is struggling with her mate's weight...they've been together for several years and he is everything that she wants in a man, but she is not physically attracted to him because he has a larger frame (they have little to no intimacy)...she shared this information with another friend of hers who told her that she was shallow, but I beg to differ...I told her that she is being realistic with herself, while weight is a "sensitive" topic, it's better to be honest than to tell your mate how great and wonderful they are,l when in the back of your mind you're disgusted watching them eat or take their clothes off...I know that sounded harsh, but it's REAL...folks try to tip-toe around this kind of stuff and quite frankly, I don't understand why...lack of physical attraction will lead to infidelity...PERIOD....I also advised her to talk to him about it...maybe he doesn't realize she has an issue with it...
I've dated a few "larger" men and the issue typically isn't that they're fat, it's usually that they don't care that they're fat...that's a problem...not only is it a physical attraction issue, but it can also lead to health issues down the line and when you're thinking about a life partner, that's something to consider...now, please don't confuse being fat with being structurally big...some folks will always be big, but when that belly is hanging over them pants....hmph...I'll just leave it at that...and let's be clear, I'm not being judgemental, because my belly shole does hang...lol...but I also don't have a sedentary life (lazy for the slow folks)....
So I caught up with my friend A) to be sure she was okay with me blogging about here and B) to see where she was with this situation...she informed that they're eating right, TOGETHER...that's cool and I hope it works out for them...
Now, I pose this question to my readers...and I'm looking for HONEST answers, not any politically correct ish...what would be your advice to her on this topic?!?!?!
A friend of mine is struggling with her mate's weight...they've been together for several years and he is everything that she wants in a man, but she is not physically attracted to him because he has a larger frame (they have little to no intimacy)...she shared this information with another friend of hers who told her that she was shallow, but I beg to differ...I told her that she is being realistic with herself, while weight is a "sensitive" topic, it's better to be honest than to tell your mate how great and wonderful they are,l when in the back of your mind you're disgusted watching them eat or take their clothes off...I know that sounded harsh, but it's REAL...folks try to tip-toe around this kind of stuff and quite frankly, I don't understand why...lack of physical attraction will lead to infidelity...PERIOD....I also advised her to talk to him about it...maybe he doesn't realize she has an issue with it...
I've dated a few "larger" men and the issue typically isn't that they're fat, it's usually that they don't care that they're fat...that's a problem...not only is it a physical attraction issue, but it can also lead to health issues down the line and when you're thinking about a life partner, that's something to consider...now, please don't confuse being fat with being structurally big...some folks will always be big, but when that belly is hanging over them pants....hmph...I'll just leave it at that...and let's be clear, I'm not being judgemental, because my belly shole does hang...lol...but I also don't have a sedentary life (lazy for the slow folks)....
So I caught up with my friend A) to be sure she was okay with me blogging about here and B) to see where she was with this situation...she informed that they're eating right, TOGETHER...that's cool and I hope it works out for them...
Now, I pose this question to my readers...and I'm looking for HONEST answers, not any politically correct ish...what would be your advice to her on this topic?!?!?!
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Antwone Gets Properly Placed....
Ok...so we all know that Antwone has 4 children, which means I have no dating interest in him, however, to-date, I'd like to get to know Antwone on a friend level...he seems really laid back and could potentially be added to my male friend list (platonic friend list, just to be clear)...Antwone has been trying really hard to take me out on a date this week and I honestly haven't had the time to entertain his requests...additionally, I don't want to mislead him...
I've been struggling with whether or not I should tell him that I'd like to get to know him, but have no romantic interest in him due to the 4 kids...that's rude huh??..so what am I supposed to do??!!...so, this has been really heavy on my mind, because to be quite frank, I'm tired of being a bia-bia to these dudes and Antwone, at this point, isn't deserving of that...he hasn't gotten on my nerves, he don't call all the time, he checks on me from time to time, so in my book, he's cool...
So as I'm driving to AR today, I'm having this discussion with a dear friend of mine and collectively we decide that it's okay to be honest with Antwone...so the text message convo with Antwone goes as follows:
Me: Hey, I've been thinking and I'm cool with us hanging out, however, I can't see myself being involved with someone that has 4 kids, but we can be friends, does that work?
Him: Yea, I could tell that off the top, I was wondering when you were gonna let it be know. Lol! It's cool though, I guess I can manage without you :-( .
Me: So you don't wanna be my friend?! Lol!
Him: Yea definitely, I would love to.
Me: Ok cool...we can have that meal next week!
Him: Oh yea, now we can eat..lol! Well I'm down!
Me: Lol..ok, good!
Now this conversation is important because I was able to be honest with Antwone prior to him trying to take me out to a 5-star restaurant with violins playing in the background...I now feel better about having a meal with him because he's knows the deal.....he doesn't strike me as the type that would disregard the above conversation and I have mad respect for his response...I'm not sure what vibe I gave off that told him I wasn't feelin all them damn kids, but I'm glad he got it and was able to take my honesty and move forward...Antwone showed his maturity and I applaud him for that...to be honest, I wasn't sure how he'd react, but I was willing to take my chances, I don't like to lead folks on because I don't want to be led on...
So, where does that leave me...and then there were none...LOL...I'm 0 for 4 so far in Texas, but that's okay...on to the next one(s)...
Stay tuned...
I've been struggling with whether or not I should tell him that I'd like to get to know him, but have no romantic interest in him due to the 4 kids...that's rude huh??..so what am I supposed to do??!!...so, this has been really heavy on my mind, because to be quite frank, I'm tired of being a bia-bia to these dudes and Antwone, at this point, isn't deserving of that...he hasn't gotten on my nerves, he don't call all the time, he checks on me from time to time, so in my book, he's cool...
So as I'm driving to AR today, I'm having this discussion with a dear friend of mine and collectively we decide that it's okay to be honest with Antwone...so the text message convo with Antwone goes as follows:
Me: Hey, I've been thinking and I'm cool with us hanging out, however, I can't see myself being involved with someone that has 4 kids, but we can be friends, does that work?
Him: Yea, I could tell that off the top, I was wondering when you were gonna let it be know. Lol! It's cool though, I guess I can manage without you :-( .
Me: So you don't wanna be my friend?! Lol!
Him: Yea definitely, I would love to.
Me: Ok cool...we can have that meal next week!
Him: Oh yea, now we can eat..lol! Well I'm down!
Me: Lol..ok, good!
Now this conversation is important because I was able to be honest with Antwone prior to him trying to take me out to a 5-star restaurant with violins playing in the background...I now feel better about having a meal with him because he's knows the deal.....he doesn't strike me as the type that would disregard the above conversation and I have mad respect for his response...I'm not sure what vibe I gave off that told him I wasn't feelin all them damn kids, but I'm glad he got it and was able to take my honesty and move forward...Antwone showed his maturity and I applaud him for that...to be honest, I wasn't sure how he'd react, but I was willing to take my chances, I don't like to lead folks on because I don't want to be led on...
So, where does that leave me...and then there were none...LOL...I'm 0 for 4 so far in Texas, but that's okay...on to the next one(s)...
Stay tuned...
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
The Welcomed Demise of Mike...
Ok, so after Sunday, I'd been getting little subtle sly remarks from Mike via text "you acting brand new"..."I must not have left a good impression on you"..."just checking on my homegirl"...etc...he'd been hittin me up daily like clock work...which was starting to really work my nerves...so yesterday Mike calls around 7ish..he just wanted to say "hi"...I'm like...OK...then he calls again around 10ish...by this time, I was unavailable, so I didn't pick up....so this morning I shoot him a text and say "hey, I saw you called again last night, what's up"...so he says "who is this, I lost my contacts"...I say "Name"...he says "hey, you're a nice young lady and everything, but I don't feel like there's anymore chemistry between us and that's cool, best wishes and take care"....my response "I agree...you take care as well"!
Now, while I'm not feeling Mike, I do appreciate him recognizing that we weren't connecting and making that call...more times than not, I have to be the bad person, so I must admit that if felt good to not have that responsibility....so who's left...
Antwone...and a couple of stragglers that I've not yet mentioned here...maybe at a later date....Antwone is to the point where he wants to take me out to dinner, lunch, breakfast, anything...here's my dilemma...I don't mind hanging out with him, but I'd like for him to know up front that I don't have an interest in dating him...how do you tell someone that without being rude??? You're probably wondering why I'd even want to hang out with him...well, I think it's nice to have folks around that you aren't interested in like that, as long as they know the deal...I'd be adding to my male friends repertoire...but again, how do I express this without being rude...help??!?!
Now, while I'm not feeling Mike, I do appreciate him recognizing that we weren't connecting and making that call...more times than not, I have to be the bad person, so I must admit that if felt good to not have that responsibility....so who's left...
Antwone...and a couple of stragglers that I've not yet mentioned here...maybe at a later date....Antwone is to the point where he wants to take me out to dinner, lunch, breakfast, anything...here's my dilemma...I don't mind hanging out with him, but I'd like for him to know up front that I don't have an interest in dating him...how do you tell someone that without being rude??? You're probably wondering why I'd even want to hang out with him...well, I think it's nice to have folks around that you aren't interested in like that, as long as they know the deal...I'd be adding to my male friends repertoire...but again, how do I express this without being rude...help??!?!
Sunday, May 16, 2010
Antwone - The New Addition or Not.....
Ok peeps....I've now been here 4wks and have met 4 guys...not intentionally, however...Antwone is the Assistant Manager at my local grocery store.....here's the story of Antwone...
I go on my first grocery shopping trip and notice Antwone...he's cute, probably about my height, nice smile, light-skinned and continuously asked me if I needed help finding anything in the store...I wasn't really in the mood to make small talk, but I wasn't blind...lol...so my second trip in the store..I'm in there to pick up cards and Antwone almost runs me over wheeling groceries out of the backroom...lol...he looks at me and says "you gone help me with this"...I say "ummm, no, do I look like I lift that kind of stuff"...lol...you know I had to be a smart ass...who would I be if I wasn't....so this particular day, I'm in the mood for small talk, so I tell him that I'm disappointed that the store doesn't sell wine, he tells me that I can vote for it in the near future...I leave...
Ok, I go BACK to the grocery store the very next day, this time, I needed groceries...lol...ok, maybe I had a dual purpose...before I go to the store, I call store to see if Antwone was working that night...lol...nice move huh...so of course I knew he'd be there...so I traipse on in the store and pick up the things that I need, however, I don't see Antowne...so I take one more lap around the store and then give up...maybe some other day...when I get to the register, the man at the checkout was making conversation with me...not "that" kind of conversation, just general convo, so I ask him what manager was on duty...he says a name that's unfamiliar to me, so I say hmm....that's not who I was looking for, I continue to tell him that there was a gentleman who was working the night before and I just wanted to say hey...so the clerk says, "oh, Mr. Jones, want me to call him for you"...so I'm like, sure, I'll just say hey since I'm here...so silly me, I'm thinking that when he picks up the phone, he's calling the back or something for Mr. Jones...ummmm...NO...this fool gets on the intercom, yes, intercom and says "Mr. Jones, customer assistance on register 3, Mr. Jones, customer assistance on register 3"...needless to say, I was quite embarrassed...lol...oh well, so here comes Mr. Jones...he walks toward me smiling and shakes my hand...
So I say, hey, it's good to see you, he says "it's GREAT to see you"....I'm like hmm..."great"..alrighty...lol...so we walk outside and I play the whole, I'm new to the city, what is there to do around here card...LOL...I'll be using that for at least a year....he says that he doesn't go out much because he works in the evenings, but would give me a call when he hears about something, I'm like cool, sounds good...so about an hour later, he texts me so that I have his number...we do a 1 or 2 text chat, nothing interesting...ok, so he finds me on facebook, I accept him...he looks through my pics, after doing such, he lets me know that I have an attractive family, that we seem close from the pics, he notices that my dad is a twin and comments on that, he also says that I appear to have a lot of fun and that I'm full of life...so, I think Antwone is observant and has taken an interest in learning more about me prior to us having a conversation....ok, so now comes the time when I drill him about his stats...so he's 32/33, single, has worked at his current job for 6+ yrs, he's born & raised in Dallas, just got out of a FIFTEEN year relationship 6 moths ago...you thought that was the shocker right, ok, well here's another....are you ready for this??...are you sure??....he's a father of....FOUR....dayum...really, can I seriously involve myself with a man that has FOUR kids??....seriously...ranging from 14 yrs old to 3...umm....ummm....ummm....FOUR....I mean, I'd hate to just throw the brother to the side, but FOUR...DAYUM....that is all....I just don't know what to say about this....any thoughts??!!
I go on my first grocery shopping trip and notice Antwone...he's cute, probably about my height, nice smile, light-skinned and continuously asked me if I needed help finding anything in the store...I wasn't really in the mood to make small talk, but I wasn't blind...lol...so my second trip in the store..I'm in there to pick up cards and Antwone almost runs me over wheeling groceries out of the backroom...lol...he looks at me and says "you gone help me with this"...I say "ummm, no, do I look like I lift that kind of stuff"...lol...you know I had to be a smart ass...who would I be if I wasn't....so this particular day, I'm in the mood for small talk, so I tell him that I'm disappointed that the store doesn't sell wine, he tells me that I can vote for it in the near future...I leave...
Ok, I go BACK to the grocery store the very next day, this time, I needed groceries...lol...ok, maybe I had a dual purpose...before I go to the store, I call store to see if Antwone was working that night...lol...nice move huh...so of course I knew he'd be there...so I traipse on in the store and pick up the things that I need, however, I don't see Antowne...so I take one more lap around the store and then give up...maybe some other day...when I get to the register, the man at the checkout was making conversation with me...not "that" kind of conversation, just general convo, so I ask him what manager was on duty...he says a name that's unfamiliar to me, so I say hmm....that's not who I was looking for, I continue to tell him that there was a gentleman who was working the night before and I just wanted to say hey...so the clerk says, "oh, Mr. Jones, want me to call him for you"...so I'm like, sure, I'll just say hey since I'm here...so silly me, I'm thinking that when he picks up the phone, he's calling the back or something for Mr. Jones...ummmm...NO...this fool gets on the intercom, yes, intercom and says "Mr. Jones, customer assistance on register 3, Mr. Jones, customer assistance on register 3"...needless to say, I was quite embarrassed...lol...oh well, so here comes Mr. Jones...he walks toward me smiling and shakes my hand...
So I say, hey, it's good to see you, he says "it's GREAT to see you"....I'm like hmm..."great"..alrighty...lol...so we walk outside and I play the whole, I'm new to the city, what is there to do around here card...LOL...I'll be using that for at least a year....he says that he doesn't go out much because he works in the evenings, but would give me a call when he hears about something, I'm like cool, sounds good...so about an hour later, he texts me so that I have his number...we do a 1 or 2 text chat, nothing interesting...ok, so he finds me on facebook, I accept him...he looks through my pics, after doing such, he lets me know that I have an attractive family, that we seem close from the pics, he notices that my dad is a twin and comments on that, he also says that I appear to have a lot of fun and that I'm full of life...so, I think Antwone is observant and has taken an interest in learning more about me prior to us having a conversation....ok, so now comes the time when I drill him about his stats...so he's 32/33, single, has worked at his current job for 6+ yrs, he's born & raised in Dallas, just got out of a FIFTEEN year relationship 6 moths ago...you thought that was the shocker right, ok, well here's another....are you ready for this??...are you sure??....he's a father of....FOUR....dayum...really, can I seriously involve myself with a man that has FOUR kids??....seriously...ranging from 14 yrs old to 3...umm....ummm....ummm....FOUR....I mean, I'd hate to just throw the brother to the side, but FOUR...DAYUM....that is all....I just don't know what to say about this....any thoughts??!!
What ever happened to Mike?!?!?....
Ok, so Mike...or as one of my friends calls him, the "baby" man...lol...ok, so after that last phone call my interaction with Mike has been quite limited...he's hit me up a few times via text and phone...invited me out a couple of times, but to be honest, I just haven't had time, although I'm a firm believer that you make time for the things that are important to you...riiiigght...LOL...
The last 2 times I've talked to Mike, he hasn't said "baby", so that's cool...but he did something else to turn me off (poor Mike)...he asks me to come out and meet him tonight at the place we met a couple of weeks ago and I tell him that I have dinner plans...so later in the evening, I call him to ask him how the event was (I was in a good mood...lol)...he said that it was "off the chain"....then he asks me how my date was...so I say, "what date"....he says, "you said you had dinner plans"...I say, "I did have dinner plans"...he says, "oh, I assumed it was a date"...I say, "that's what you get for assuming"....I don't like that, I mean, just because I tell you that I have plans, it doesn't mean it's a date, it could mean that, but if you want to know if I was on a date, just ask...I mean seriously....I don't have time for reverse psychology...I will say that Mike is persistent...I'm not sure how interested I am in hanging out with him again, but we'll see...I may be a good mood one day....lol...stay tuned on this too...
The last 2 times I've talked to Mike, he hasn't said "baby", so that's cool...but he did something else to turn me off (poor Mike)...he asks me to come out and meet him tonight at the place we met a couple of weeks ago and I tell him that I have dinner plans...so later in the evening, I call him to ask him how the event was (I was in a good mood...lol)...he said that it was "off the chain"....then he asks me how my date was...so I say, "what date"....he says, "you said you had dinner plans"...I say, "I did have dinner plans"...he says, "oh, I assumed it was a date"...I say, "that's what you get for assuming"....I don't like that, I mean, just because I tell you that I have plans, it doesn't mean it's a date, it could mean that, but if you want to know if I was on a date, just ask...I mean seriously....I don't have time for reverse psychology...I will say that Mike is persistent...I'm not sure how interested I am in hanging out with him again, but we'll see...I may be a good mood one day....lol...stay tuned on this too...
Justin - Pt 2....
So, after loads of opinions and advice on the Justin situation, I'd somehow convinced myself that I could be friends with him, hang out in group settings, occasional phone conversations, etc...hmm...so let me tell you how that worked out....
Justin and I had our first phone conversation last week...it was pretty laid back...talked about furniture and of course, I inquired about the separation, the living situation, the reasoning behind it all, etc....during the conversation, I felt nothing for him, I didn't feel that spark that felt when we first met...so in some way I thought to myself, hmmm, maybe I can be his friend without any issues...so, the following day, Justin invites me and my friends to a baseball game...I agreed, so it was me, Justin and my friend....
Ok, so we get to the baseball game, we greet one another, get to our seats...everything was cool...as the game progresses, we're chatting, laughing, etc...I find myself having lustful thoughts about this man..anyone that knows me, knows that I'm a very touchy-feely person, however, on this day, the only thing I touched was my purse...why you ask?....because I wanted him and wanted him badly...at that moment, I realized that I was a fool to think that I could be friends with him, that we could hang out, ummm, not so much...and to make matters worse, you know how the camera comes around to all the fans, I didn't want to be seen with him, which further let me know that this little interaction could be no more....so the game ends and he drives us to my car, in the front seat (I'm nosy), I see a realtor book...so I casually say, "oh, you're moving", he says "I looked at some houses today"....so, the optimist in me wants to believe that he's taking a step in the right direction, however, there's a part of me that wonders if him and his wife were looking for a house together...LOL...nutz right...to be continued...
So, since the game, I've struggled with trying to find a balance between being firm with Justin while also trying not to be a major bia-bia...my thoughts are that I don't want to just be mean/rude to him or turn him completely off, in the event that he is actually making progress, however, I want him to take me seriously about not being interested in being a mistress...lol...so, he texts me asking me what I was cooking for dinner one night...my first thought was to say "whatever you wife is cooking", but again, trying to keep that balance, I go ahead and tell him what I'm cooking...after that, he says "did you forget to invite me"...I say "no, actually it was intentional"...he says that my response made him sad...I say "you're not the only one"...lol...I felt kinda bad about that communication, but hey, I had to be firm...
The last communication from Justin was a happy birthday text message...seeing as he's not on facebook, I must admit I found it quite thoughtful and sweet that he remembered my birthday...my only response to him was "thanks for remembering, Justin"....one day, maybe one day, the text I get from Justin will say "hey, I filed for divorce today" or "I moved out"...until then, I will respond to his random messages (I'm sure he'll send them from time to time) with one or two word answers and if he gets out of pocket, I'll have to revert back to being firm....stay tuned on this...
Justin and I had our first phone conversation last week...it was pretty laid back...talked about furniture and of course, I inquired about the separation, the living situation, the reasoning behind it all, etc....during the conversation, I felt nothing for him, I didn't feel that spark that felt when we first met...so in some way I thought to myself, hmmm, maybe I can be his friend without any issues...so, the following day, Justin invites me and my friends to a baseball game...I agreed, so it was me, Justin and my friend....
Ok, so we get to the baseball game, we greet one another, get to our seats...everything was cool...as the game progresses, we're chatting, laughing, etc...I find myself having lustful thoughts about this man..anyone that knows me, knows that I'm a very touchy-feely person, however, on this day, the only thing I touched was my purse...why you ask?....because I wanted him and wanted him badly...at that moment, I realized that I was a fool to think that I could be friends with him, that we could hang out, ummm, not so much...and to make matters worse, you know how the camera comes around to all the fans, I didn't want to be seen with him, which further let me know that this little interaction could be no more....so the game ends and he drives us to my car, in the front seat (I'm nosy), I see a realtor book...so I casually say, "oh, you're moving", he says "I looked at some houses today"....so, the optimist in me wants to believe that he's taking a step in the right direction, however, there's a part of me that wonders if him and his wife were looking for a house together...LOL...nutz right...to be continued...
So, since the game, I've struggled with trying to find a balance between being firm with Justin while also trying not to be a major bia-bia...my thoughts are that I don't want to just be mean/rude to him or turn him completely off, in the event that he is actually making progress, however, I want him to take me seriously about not being interested in being a mistress...lol...so, he texts me asking me what I was cooking for dinner one night...my first thought was to say "whatever you wife is cooking", but again, trying to keep that balance, I go ahead and tell him what I'm cooking...after that, he says "did you forget to invite me"...I say "no, actually it was intentional"...he says that my response made him sad...I say "you're not the only one"...lol...I felt kinda bad about that communication, but hey, I had to be firm...
The last communication from Justin was a happy birthday text message...seeing as he's not on facebook, I must admit I found it quite thoughtful and sweet that he remembered my birthday...my only response to him was "thanks for remembering, Justin"....one day, maybe one day, the text I get from Justin will say "hey, I filed for divorce today" or "I moved out"...until then, I will respond to his random messages (I'm sure he'll send them from time to time) with one or two word answers and if he gets out of pocket, I'll have to revert back to being firm....stay tuned on this...
Sunday, May 9, 2010
The Male Perspective...So Far....
So, Dr. Bob read my blog this evening and offered to give the male perspective on Justin, Mike, Charles and yep, you guessed it...ME!...keep in mind, tonight is the first conversation I've had with Dr. Bob, via a friend of mine...his thoughts on Justin: only interested in sex, Mike: seems questionable, but not sure why, Charles: give a shot for wisdom....I told him Charles is so old news...lol...Mike is still in the game, but currently warming the bench and Justin, aahh Justin...well, he texted me in the midst of this conversation "just thinkin about you...."....I'll admit, it made me smile, but after further consideration, I'm putting Justin in the "maybe later in life" file, as one of my readers suggested....
Now, Dr. Bob's perspective on me....lol....was quite entertaining actually....he first suggested that I freeze my eggs within the next 2 yrs...LOL....they're more effective in your 20's....then he said that unsuccessful men will be (are) intimidated by me....women come a dime a dozen and he hopes that I'm fine with my expectations because it may take me some time find Mr. Right.....
The other male perspective came from my "baby friend"....he said leave Justin alone, he's drama in the making...he did give me swag points for the way I approached Justin....he appreciated me setting "friendship hours" for Mike, although Mike didn't appreciate them....he said leave the old men alone (Charles)...lol....his perspective on me....life experiences have made me hyper selective and that he's afraid that I will go (have gone) into situations with the mindset that one is like the other....I disagreed, of course...I told him that when I tell a man what I'm looking for, they always default to the "oh, that's me", when in actuality, that's rarely the case...I told him that I don't feel as though I go into new situations thinking that they'll be like the last, I think that I'm very open, however, I do pick up on things quicker and quicker each time...he also said that "happiness and fulfillment starts and ends with God then self"....I was feelin that...he may get promoted from "baby friend" status...
Now, Dr. Bob's perspective on me....lol....was quite entertaining actually....he first suggested that I freeze my eggs within the next 2 yrs...LOL....they're more effective in your 20's....then he said that unsuccessful men will be (are) intimidated by me....women come a dime a dozen and he hopes that I'm fine with my expectations because it may take me some time find Mr. Right.....
The other male perspective came from my "baby friend"....he said leave Justin alone, he's drama in the making...he did give me swag points for the way I approached Justin....he appreciated me setting "friendship hours" for Mike, although Mike didn't appreciate them....he said leave the old men alone (Charles)...lol....his perspective on me....life experiences have made me hyper selective and that he's afraid that I will go (have gone) into situations with the mindset that one is like the other....I disagreed, of course...I told him that when I tell a man what I'm looking for, they always default to the "oh, that's me", when in actuality, that's rarely the case...I told him that I don't feel as though I go into new situations thinking that they'll be like the last, I think that I'm very open, however, I do pick up on things quicker and quicker each time...he also said that "happiness and fulfillment starts and ends with God then self"....I was feelin that...he may get promoted from "baby friend" status...
3 of 3 - Justin, 32yo, Separated, Father of 1....
Justin
Justin, Justin, Justin...aahhh, where do I begin...LOL...ok, Dallas has day parties pretty much every weekend and I attend them because I enjoy them, almost more than the club!...ok, so I get to the day party yesterday and I walk in and see this guy sitting solo...being friendly, I go over, introduce myself and ask him if he wants to come sit with me...I was thinking that maybe he was new to the area and got invited by someone, so I was trying to make him feel more comfy...so he comes to sit with me, I order some food and an adult bev....we begin talkin...yea, I'm kind of checkin him out cause he's a cutie...to me anyway...he had this kinda Mos Def, Common vibe about himself...+dimples..yummy!...naw, he don't look like Common, if he did...hmph...anywho...he just had that kinda vibe goin, so as we talk, I begin grillin him....askin all the important stuff....in the midst of our convo I learn that Justin is 32, has a 3yo son, has been married for 2.5yrs, separated for 6months, but still lives in the house with the wife...WTH?!?!....according to Justin, he lives on one end of the house and her on the other...
I also learn that Justin is of West Indian descent, from NY, oldest of 3, he's a sales/marketing manager, his parents have been married 38yrs and also live here in Dallas...so of course I ask him why doesn't he just go and live with his parents....his answer is that he doesn't want to disrespect their home by coming and going...late nights, etc....I'm like hmm...well, this is interesting....he pretty much has that East Coast attitude of...this is my situation either deal with it or not...which I can respect, even though I don't like it....so Justin and I's conversation goes on for another 3+ hours...we discuss the dating situation in Dallas, how the women are money hungry and how the men try to stunt..which I've actually seen in action...sidebar - do you know these fools actually rent cars down here on the weekend to impress chicks...smh...ok, I'm back....so the night ends...Justin picks up my tab, which I shol appreciate..lol...he walks me to my car and asks for my num...
Ok guys...here is where I have my moral dilemma...can I give Justin my number and we remain friends or should I just walk away from this man that I had great conversation with...what to do, what to do...so, when he asks for my number I say to him...Justin, I can see how this is gonna play out....we'll start hangin out as friends, I'll either fall for you or you for me or both and then in 2months you'll tell me that you and your wife have reconciled or she'll be pregnant and then I'll be drunk on the corner sangin the blues...lol....he cracks UP....so...I hesitantly give Justin my number...why, I'm not sure, maybe because I felt a real connection with him, I enjoyed his vibe and I'm thinkin that this could be someone that I can hang with, but I'd have to keep my emotions/feelings in check...hmm...I don't know...tough call..
So needless to say, Justin and I aren't ready to end this night...maybe because we both know this may be the one and only time we get to spend like this...who knows...so I follow him to the gas station so that we can figure out where we would head next, i.e., another bar, lounge, etc...we end up sittin in the gas station parking lot...in our separate cars, talkin for another hour...crazy huh?!?!...so I get to a point where I tell Justin that I need to go...I go through this whole, I really enjoyed your company, it was great meeting you, blah, blah, blah...this fool says, I feel like you're breaking up with me...LOL...I was dying....I finally pull off....really not wanting to, if I can be honest with you guys...I can right...ok, I wanted to invite Justin back to my place, crack open a bottle of wine and let the rest be history...LMAO...but, obviously that wouldn't have been good...so, I leave asking God why He's punishing me...LOL...bringin this tasty treat to me and I can't indulge...ugh...
I get home and get comfy and Justin calls...yea, I'm excited...he just wants to make sure I made it in safely and that was the end of that....so I lay there and think about him and why this has to be his situation...this is driving me nuts...as I'm laying there thinking...my phone rings again...and it's Mike...who?!?!...LOL...just playin...Mike says, hey, are you sleep...I say yea..he says...are you dreaming about me...I say ummm....no...LMAO....why do these folks want you to lie to them?!?!?....
So today I wake up, still thinkin of Justin...pissed off...I call my friends and ask their perspective...I got split advice...proceed with caution and stay away.....maybe Justin won't call and we just had our one night of connection and I'll soon forget all about him....what are your thoughts?!?!?!
Justin, Justin, Justin...aahhh, where do I begin...LOL...ok, Dallas has day parties pretty much every weekend and I attend them because I enjoy them, almost more than the club!...ok, so I get to the day party yesterday and I walk in and see this guy sitting solo...being friendly, I go over, introduce myself and ask him if he wants to come sit with me...I was thinking that maybe he was new to the area and got invited by someone, so I was trying to make him feel more comfy...so he comes to sit with me, I order some food and an adult bev....we begin talkin...yea, I'm kind of checkin him out cause he's a cutie...to me anyway...he had this kinda Mos Def, Common vibe about himself...+dimples..yummy!...naw, he don't look like Common, if he did...hmph...anywho...he just had that kinda vibe goin, so as we talk, I begin grillin him....askin all the important stuff....in the midst of our convo I learn that Justin is 32, has a 3yo son, has been married for 2.5yrs, separated for 6months, but still lives in the house with the wife...WTH?!?!....according to Justin, he lives on one end of the house and her on the other...
I also learn that Justin is of West Indian descent, from NY, oldest of 3, he's a sales/marketing manager, his parents have been married 38yrs and also live here in Dallas...so of course I ask him why doesn't he just go and live with his parents....his answer is that he doesn't want to disrespect their home by coming and going...late nights, etc....I'm like hmm...well, this is interesting....he pretty much has that East Coast attitude of...this is my situation either deal with it or not...which I can respect, even though I don't like it....so Justin and I's conversation goes on for another 3+ hours...we discuss the dating situation in Dallas, how the women are money hungry and how the men try to stunt..which I've actually seen in action...sidebar - do you know these fools actually rent cars down here on the weekend to impress chicks...smh...ok, I'm back....so the night ends...Justin picks up my tab, which I shol appreciate..lol...he walks me to my car and asks for my num...
Ok guys...here is where I have my moral dilemma...can I give Justin my number and we remain friends or should I just walk away from this man that I had great conversation with...what to do, what to do...so, when he asks for my number I say to him...Justin, I can see how this is gonna play out....we'll start hangin out as friends, I'll either fall for you or you for me or both and then in 2months you'll tell me that you and your wife have reconciled or she'll be pregnant and then I'll be drunk on the corner sangin the blues...lol....he cracks UP....so...I hesitantly give Justin my number...why, I'm not sure, maybe because I felt a real connection with him, I enjoyed his vibe and I'm thinkin that this could be someone that I can hang with, but I'd have to keep my emotions/feelings in check...hmm...I don't know...tough call..
So needless to say, Justin and I aren't ready to end this night...maybe because we both know this may be the one and only time we get to spend like this...who knows...so I follow him to the gas station so that we can figure out where we would head next, i.e., another bar, lounge, etc...we end up sittin in the gas station parking lot...in our separate cars, talkin for another hour...crazy huh?!?!...so I get to a point where I tell Justin that I need to go...I go through this whole, I really enjoyed your company, it was great meeting you, blah, blah, blah...this fool says, I feel like you're breaking up with me...LOL...I was dying....I finally pull off....really not wanting to, if I can be honest with you guys...I can right...ok, I wanted to invite Justin back to my place, crack open a bottle of wine and let the rest be history...LMAO...but, obviously that wouldn't have been good...so, I leave asking God why He's punishing me...LOL...bringin this tasty treat to me and I can't indulge...ugh...
I get home and get comfy and Justin calls...yea, I'm excited...he just wants to make sure I made it in safely and that was the end of that....so I lay there and think about him and why this has to be his situation...this is driving me nuts...as I'm laying there thinking...my phone rings again...and it's Mike...who?!?!...LOL...just playin...Mike says, hey, are you sleep...I say yea..he says...are you dreaming about me...I say ummm....no...LMAO....why do these folks want you to lie to them?!?!?....
So today I wake up, still thinkin of Justin...pissed off...I call my friends and ask their perspective...I got split advice...proceed with caution and stay away.....maybe Justin won't call and we just had our one night of connection and I'll soon forget all about him....what are your thoughts?!?!?!
2 of 3...Mike - The 39yo, Father of 2...
Mike
I met Mike at a day party on the patio...he was staring at me, making silly faces and I'm like what, can I help you...lol...being funny, not mean...he starts moving his lips and I say, I can't understand you, so I get up and go sit next to him...we go through the normal: name, where you from, what you do, blah, blah, blah...Mike is 6'3, prolly 200lbs (at most), chocolate, clean shaven, nice shades, decent fit..decent teeth..I learn that Mike has 2 children, he's 39, used to be in the Airforce, and he's never been married...Mike tells me how pretty I am and says, I'm gonna give you my number so you can call me...I really should've got up at that time, but instead I say, I'm not gonna call you, but you can call me...so I give him my number, he does the same thing (calls to make sure it's the right number)...he says, if I don't call you tonight, call me, I say nope, if you want to talk to me, you'll call...and I walk off.
Mike calls everyday, around the same time and sends a text every morning. So, he's not calling too much....that's not my issue with Mike...my issue with Mike is that every other word is baby this, baby that (mind you, I've known Mike for a week, today)...I feel like he don't know me like that to be "baby-ing" me...but then I think...maybe that's just the way he talks...we have decent conversation...we talk about life, never talk too long, so here comes the weekend and Mike wants to see me....this is where it goes downhill for him...
Thursday Mike says to me...I'd like to see you this weekend, I'm like, that's cool, what did you have in mind...he says, what's your availability...so I tell him that I'm free Saturday before 5 and Sunday after 12...he says, "oh, I get the friendship hours"....WTH...Mike is not headed in the right direction with me....some folks would die for this time and you complaining, so anyway, I ask him what hours would he prefer, he's on this whole, nevermind, it's cool, I'll take the "friendship" hours....I'm like whatever, but I must admit, I'm a little agged....so Friday comes along and this fool asks me again as if my answer would change...so he says, I guess we can do lunch or somethin, but he says it in a negative tone...I mean damn, what's wrong with lunch for a first date???!!....so, I address his attitude about his time slot....lol, ok now that was funny....and he says, I don't like having any time contraints....ummm...Mike, I've known you less than a WEEK, seriously, you givin me rules and shit...naw, not cool....so we agree on lunch....
It's Saturday morning and Mike calls for our lunch date....he asks me what time, I say noon, he says cool...Mike calls back and says, aaww, my sister has my truck and she won't be back by noon...I say, well that's fine....thinking to myself, surely this isn't his way of asking me to pick him up or to come chill at his crib....lol....I'm prepared to go on about the rest of my day...Mike calls back again..hits me with this whole, I really miss you (really Mike, it's not even been a week), I really want to see you, blah, blah, blah...so he says, let's meet downtown...I'm like cool....I meet Mike downtown at The House of Blues...he takes the train down there because he wanted to keep his word....he gets a couple of points for that, however, why the hell would you let someone borrow your vehicle if you have plans...hmmm....anywho...lunch was cool...conversation was cool...he was still on this whole baby this, baby that....which was really starting to bother me....over lunch, I learn that Mike has 3 siblings, he's the youngest, his parents are deceased...father died of cancer, mother was accidentally shot by her father when Mike was 3, so he was raised by his father and step-mother (who he strongly dislikes)....his story is touching, but I'm not really feeling a vibe with Mike...he's cool and that's about it...we finish lunch, he walks me out to my car...asks for a kiss....ummm...I give him a g-ma peck...LMAO...he didn't like that...and then I go on about my day....
That's all about Mike for now....you'll hear his name again when I discuss this 3rd dude....
I met Mike at a day party on the patio...he was staring at me, making silly faces and I'm like what, can I help you...lol...being funny, not mean...he starts moving his lips and I say, I can't understand you, so I get up and go sit next to him...we go through the normal: name, where you from, what you do, blah, blah, blah...Mike is 6'3, prolly 200lbs (at most), chocolate, clean shaven, nice shades, decent fit..decent teeth..I learn that Mike has 2 children, he's 39, used to be in the Airforce, and he's never been married...Mike tells me how pretty I am and says, I'm gonna give you my number so you can call me...I really should've got up at that time, but instead I say, I'm not gonna call you, but you can call me...so I give him my number, he does the same thing (calls to make sure it's the right number)...he says, if I don't call you tonight, call me, I say nope, if you want to talk to me, you'll call...and I walk off.
Mike calls everyday, around the same time and sends a text every morning. So, he's not calling too much....that's not my issue with Mike...my issue with Mike is that every other word is baby this, baby that (mind you, I've known Mike for a week, today)...I feel like he don't know me like that to be "baby-ing" me...but then I think...maybe that's just the way he talks...we have decent conversation...we talk about life, never talk too long, so here comes the weekend and Mike wants to see me....this is where it goes downhill for him...
Thursday Mike says to me...I'd like to see you this weekend, I'm like, that's cool, what did you have in mind...he says, what's your availability...so I tell him that I'm free Saturday before 5 and Sunday after 12...he says, "oh, I get the friendship hours"....WTH...Mike is not headed in the right direction with me....some folks would die for this time and you complaining, so anyway, I ask him what hours would he prefer, he's on this whole, nevermind, it's cool, I'll take the "friendship" hours....I'm like whatever, but I must admit, I'm a little agged....so Friday comes along and this fool asks me again as if my answer would change...so he says, I guess we can do lunch or somethin, but he says it in a negative tone...I mean damn, what's wrong with lunch for a first date???!!....so, I address his attitude about his time slot....lol, ok now that was funny....and he says, I don't like having any time contraints....ummm...Mike, I've known you less than a WEEK, seriously, you givin me rules and shit...naw, not cool....so we agree on lunch....
It's Saturday morning and Mike calls for our lunch date....he asks me what time, I say noon, he says cool...Mike calls back and says, aaww, my sister has my truck and she won't be back by noon...I say, well that's fine....thinking to myself, surely this isn't his way of asking me to pick him up or to come chill at his crib....lol....I'm prepared to go on about the rest of my day...Mike calls back again..hits me with this whole, I really miss you (really Mike, it's not even been a week), I really want to see you, blah, blah, blah...so he says, let's meet downtown...I'm like cool....I meet Mike downtown at The House of Blues...he takes the train down there because he wanted to keep his word....he gets a couple of points for that, however, why the hell would you let someone borrow your vehicle if you have plans...hmmm....anywho...lunch was cool...conversation was cool...he was still on this whole baby this, baby that....which was really starting to bother me....over lunch, I learn that Mike has 3 siblings, he's the youngest, his parents are deceased...father died of cancer, mother was accidentally shot by her father when Mike was 3, so he was raised by his father and step-mother (who he strongly dislikes)....his story is touching, but I'm not really feeling a vibe with Mike...he's cool and that's about it...we finish lunch, he walks me out to my car...asks for a kiss....ummm...I give him a g-ma peck...LMAO...he didn't like that...and then I go on about my day....
That's all about Mike for now....you'll hear his name again when I discuss this 3rd dude....
1 of 3 - Charles, the 45yo, Retired Military Man...
I've given my number to 3 guys here in DFW...I'll go through each one of them...I'll give you their background, how we met, and my thoughts....
Charles
Charles and I met at a fight party...I sat down next to him (not because I was interested, but because there was no where else to sit)...we sat there and watched the fight, I gave him a once-over...nice watch, nice shoes, clean-cut....as the fight went on, I asked questions about the match, etc. (I'm not a sports person)...he then begin to inquire about my personal life: are you single, you must be gettin a lot of numbers around here, I'd like to take you out some time, etc....so, he asked for my number and I'm like...umm...ok....strike 1: when I gave him my number, he immediately called my cell to make sure it was the right number and then told me to save his name as "your future husband"...ugh...that is not cute, is that your game or somethin...then I learned that he was 45...DAYUM...that's a 18year old age gap...you could be my daddy...so he leaves the fight, sends a me a "it was nice meeting you" text...I didn't reply...
I believe he calls the next day and on the phone, he sounds like a 45 year-old man...he sounded all gruff, wasn't really talkin about much, I was disengaged from the conversation...he called again the next day (mind you, I've yet to call him)...I was heading home from an event and he says to me "where you at"...I'm like, headed home...he says "I might be behind you"...I'm like huh?!, what would make you think that (he's never seen my car)....his answer, "I was just tryin to be funny"...well, it wasn't funny...I didn't actually say that, I just said "Oh"...at this point, I'm really not feelin dude, but don't want to be mean...he calls one other time and then that was it....thank God....it had a natural "ending"...moving on...
Charles
Charles and I met at a fight party...I sat down next to him (not because I was interested, but because there was no where else to sit)...we sat there and watched the fight, I gave him a once-over...nice watch, nice shoes, clean-cut....as the fight went on, I asked questions about the match, etc. (I'm not a sports person)...he then begin to inquire about my personal life: are you single, you must be gettin a lot of numbers around here, I'd like to take you out some time, etc....so, he asked for my number and I'm like...umm...ok....strike 1: when I gave him my number, he immediately called my cell to make sure it was the right number and then told me to save his name as "your future husband"...ugh...that is not cute, is that your game or somethin...then I learned that he was 45...DAYUM...that's a 18year old age gap...you could be my daddy...so he leaves the fight, sends a me a "it was nice meeting you" text...I didn't reply...
I believe he calls the next day and on the phone, he sounds like a 45 year-old man...he sounded all gruff, wasn't really talkin about much, I was disengaged from the conversation...he called again the next day (mind you, I've yet to call him)...I was heading home from an event and he says to me "where you at"...I'm like, headed home...he says "I might be behind you"...I'm like huh?!, what would make you think that (he's never seen my car)....his answer, "I was just tryin to be funny"...well, it wasn't funny...I didn't actually say that, I just said "Oh"...at this point, I'm really not feelin dude, but don't want to be mean...he calls one other time and then that was it....thank God....it had a natural "ending"...moving on...
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